New Year...new city...new life! That's what I decided yesterday. But its been pretty cold and miserable in our new city. Baltimore offered an exciting view of the barren, but snow free landscape when we first moved here a few weeks ago, but then quickly decided that perhaps we were too excited and dropped a few feet of snow on us. So, back to staring at a frigid wasteland.
Dramatic? I think not. I can't say I've met but a handful of people who actually enjoy the cold. But they all live in Texas, so I think they need to come and visit me for the entire Winter next year. We'll see how much they enjoy themselves when there is no sign of sexy for three months and you consider it foreplay when you are shedding layers of clothing.
Oh yes...back to the new year, new city, new life.
I've decided Baltimore is going to be OUR city. We haven't had one since we left San Antonio, but then I didn't really fully appreciate SA because we had had a bad run of whatever you want to call it. So here in Baltimore, we have no end date in sight; in fact, I requested a three year plus timeframe, simply to relax for a while in one spot. Being a Gypsy is fun...but sometimes you just need a place to put in some roots. Maybe plant a few flowers. And go vegetarian - but it's a new city, new year, and new life - so they don't need to know that I used to be a meat eating fiend in a previous life.
The new life part - this is what I'm MOST excited about!! After years of trying to get healthy and reading all the wrong information, a quick trip to New York and chatting with the right person finally put me into perspective. I picked up the book, Eat to Live - and my life has changed. Never will I be able to go back to the low carb, high protein or low fat diets. Eating a vegetarian or vegan diet will be the main lifestyle I promote from now on!! I feel great!! I'm sleeping better (I'm almost caffeine free) and I limit my wine drinking to one glass a few times a week. I can't say that everyone in the house is on board, but they have increased their vegetable and fruit consumption so I'm not complaining. The only person that is experiencing the full brunt on the new lifestyle is Mike. But he escapes to work every day.
We won't be this strict forever, but I am just trying to get a handle and detox from the years of abuse we put our bodies through. That's all. And most people won't hear much about it from me, except those I really care about.
So if you've already heard from me, know you are loved!!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Knowing when Good Bye is Near
I'm getting ready to leave on one of my whirlwind weekends. Leaving today will be one of the hardest things that I've had to do in a very long time.
This morning, I shared my last moment of solitude with our sweet Lola. This was my last morning coffee while she snored majestically at my side. This was the last morning that I came downstairs to her beautiful, brown eyes peering patiently at me from her kennel. This was the last breakfast I was able to feed her, the last walk I could take her on. She's been my daily companion and just a darn good dog for the last 11 years.
It is never long enough.
There is no turning back the clock to get this morning back, nor the many days we've spent together outdoors chasing squirrels. There will be no more evenings on the back deck watching the ducks dive bomb the pond or the small birds stare wonderingly at Mike's shiny bald head. No more dog hair to sweep up because she sheds more hair than she has on her body. The tumors that have been apart of her life for the last five years have finally made their internal presence known. It's not pretty and it's quite heartbreaking to watch a loved one, whether human or furry, have a full blown seizure and not know whether or not that gasp for air is the final one.
The kids have handled this week with dignity and understanding. When Lola seized a few days ago for the 3rd time, Sev and Miranda kept it together and made her as comfortable as possible - they even timed it. They kept their hands on her the whole time and spoke to her with all the love that has grown for the last eleven years. Though she's no longer a pup, she has been our "baby girl" and I can't possibly think that we could ever replace her with another.
Mike and I spent the evening out back yesterday reminiscing about the special times we've had with our girl. Is it bad that we can't remember any particular moments because they were all pretty fantastic? Lola wasn't a jumper, a licker (OK, she licked the air around you), a chewer, or a biter. She was; she IS such a good dog.
Mike will care for her through her last days as part of our earthly family. On Saturday, she will join her heavenly family and finally be whole again. She may still snore though. And that's OK. As long as they have ear plugs. Or a white noise maker. Maybe the whole Hallelujah chorus could drowned it out.
This is my eulogy for the very best of dogs that taught us how to be the very best of owners.
Mini happy (I think?) update:
Our flight was delayed tonight so, God willing, I actually GET one more morning with my gal. It's a silver lining even if it is really, REALLY small...
This morning, I shared my last moment of solitude with our sweet Lola. This was my last morning coffee while she snored majestically at my side. This was the last morning that I came downstairs to her beautiful, brown eyes peering patiently at me from her kennel. This was the last breakfast I was able to feed her, the last walk I could take her on. She's been my daily companion and just a darn good dog for the last 11 years.
It is never long enough.
There is no turning back the clock to get this morning back, nor the many days we've spent together outdoors chasing squirrels. There will be no more evenings on the back deck watching the ducks dive bomb the pond or the small birds stare wonderingly at Mike's shiny bald head. No more dog hair to sweep up because she sheds more hair than she has on her body. The tumors that have been apart of her life for the last five years have finally made their internal presence known. It's not pretty and it's quite heartbreaking to watch a loved one, whether human or furry, have a full blown seizure and not know whether or not that gasp for air is the final one.
The kids have handled this week with dignity and understanding. When Lola seized a few days ago for the 3rd time, Sev and Miranda kept it together and made her as comfortable as possible - they even timed it. They kept their hands on her the whole time and spoke to her with all the love that has grown for the last eleven years. Though she's no longer a pup, she has been our "baby girl" and I can't possibly think that we could ever replace her with another.
Mike and I spent the evening out back yesterday reminiscing about the special times we've had with our girl. Is it bad that we can't remember any particular moments because they were all pretty fantastic? Lola wasn't a jumper, a licker (OK, she licked the air around you), a chewer, or a biter. She was; she IS such a good dog.
Mike will care for her through her last days as part of our earthly family. On Saturday, she will join her heavenly family and finally be whole again. She may still snore though. And that's OK. As long as they have ear plugs. Or a white noise maker. Maybe the whole Hallelujah chorus could drowned it out.
This is my eulogy for the very best of dogs that taught us how to be the very best of owners.
Mini happy (I think?) update:
Our flight was delayed tonight so, God willing, I actually GET one more morning with my gal. It's a silver lining even if it is really, REALLY small...
Monday, April 29, 2013
The Elusive Art of Balance
Everybody wants it. We see it on TV, in movies, read about it in books (well, maybe not all the time in books), and envy our friends and family members that seem to have it all. What is this IT that no one can seem to obtain? Quite simply put, it's balance.
Cue the orange juice commericial - a sparkling clean house, nutritious food on the table, Mom's make up on, kids are dressed, laughter all around as Dad snags a quick kiss from Mom...and she just smiles and waves.
What type of pressure does that place on the Moms of today? We pretty much figure we can't do it all, so we end up on meds or head to a shrink to tell us that we just need to accept the place that we are in at this particular point of our lives. (Insert quick note I am shrink and med free. I'm too stubborn to have someone tell me how to fix things and too frugal to pay for meds.)
Yet here I am, throwing a quick blog post together - I mean, dinner is done, dishes are washed, kids are occupied...anyone walking into the house at this very moment would probably envy ME! ME, the one who didn't manage to get her make up on, glossed over the "S" word (schoolwork), and our bed sheets still haven't made it back on the bed (it's laundry day, too), all while I'm trying to talk the eldest out of a dog that he doesn't need!
I suppose we all put on this amazing act when we walk out of the house. Or should. OK, let's say you don't. I think I'm up to 75% confidence, 50% of the time. There is still this part of me that wants to hide under a ball cap with the big shades...JUST so NO ONE looks at me!! I am a walking, talking, "faking it BIG time" unbalanced person. Not freaky unbalanced, but edging towards major nerdy and existing inside a very scrambled brain.
Oh, I've got most of the routine down. That's helped me balance. I have kids to do the dishes, we have the coffee pot programmed the night before, and the dogs go out three times (cough, cough, 10) times a day. Mike gets breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day...some days I jokingly refer to myself as a kept woman. I make sure that everyone gets some "alone" time - especially me. I read so much that I am still locked within the pages of a great novel days after I've completed it.
I don't know, I guess that deep down I understand that no one has it all. Every person I meet is a writhing, whirling, mass of passion and angst that just hides it really well under that cup of coffee and newspaper.
Cue the orange juice commericial - a sparkling clean house, nutritious food on the table, Mom's make up on, kids are dressed, laughter all around as Dad snags a quick kiss from Mom...and she just smiles and waves.
What type of pressure does that place on the Moms of today? We pretty much figure we can't do it all, so we end up on meds or head to a shrink to tell us that we just need to accept the place that we are in at this particular point of our lives. (Insert quick note I am shrink and med free. I'm too stubborn to have someone tell me how to fix things and too frugal to pay for meds.)
Yet here I am, throwing a quick blog post together - I mean, dinner is done, dishes are washed, kids are occupied...anyone walking into the house at this very moment would probably envy ME! ME, the one who didn't manage to get her make up on, glossed over the "S" word (schoolwork), and our bed sheets still haven't made it back on the bed (it's laundry day, too), all while I'm trying to talk the eldest out of a dog that he doesn't need!
I suppose we all put on this amazing act when we walk out of the house. Or should. OK, let's say you don't. I think I'm up to 75% confidence, 50% of the time. There is still this part of me that wants to hide under a ball cap with the big shades...JUST so NO ONE looks at me!! I am a walking, talking, "faking it BIG time" unbalanced person. Not freaky unbalanced, but edging towards major nerdy and existing inside a very scrambled brain.
Oh, I've got most of the routine down. That's helped me balance. I have kids to do the dishes, we have the coffee pot programmed the night before, and the dogs go out three times (cough, cough, 10) times a day. Mike gets breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day...some days I jokingly refer to myself as a kept woman. I make sure that everyone gets some "alone" time - especially me. I read so much that I am still locked within the pages of a great novel days after I've completed it.
I don't know, I guess that deep down I understand that no one has it all. Every person I meet is a writhing, whirling, mass of passion and angst that just hides it really well under that cup of coffee and newspaper.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Breaking Bad Habits
I've acquired a lot of bad habits through the years. Not as bad as some people, but maybe worse than others. Some habits weren't too hard to break, but maybe it just took some growing up. For instance, I have been able to leave to partying to the younger generation. I don't have the desire to eat fast food like I did in the past which was a horrible habit that developed in my early 20's and last through my mid 30's. The Dr. Pepper craving has pretty much disappeared the last few years and for that, I'm grateful. I do love me some Dr. Pepper!!
I read a great book about our habits and learned that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. It isn't easy, but nothing in life comes easy, does it? Since the new year, I've been focusing on good sleep habits because sleep is where we heal. And if we aren't sleeping good, our body can't heal itself. With heart disease and cancer rates still on the rise, the best I thought I could do was start at home with my own habits. Thus, no more Dr. Pepper, fast food, copious amounts of alcohol, and late nights.
This month, I've been working diligently on trying to get my coffee addiction under control. Yes, I understand that caffeine affects everyone differently. I was having 2-3 LARGE cups of coffee laden with REAL sugar and cream daily. Not the fake creamer, but organic half and half. But during all this "practicing good sleep habits," I was sleeping terribly! I didn't blame the coffee at first...I knew I wasn't exercising as much and I was sitting around reading because its too cold to do anything else. When I'd go to sleep, my back and legs would hurt something fierce, so I'd just pop a few ibuprofen every other night or every night depending on my pain level.
Can't stay young and healthy that way!!
Several years ago, I glanced through an alternative medical book regarding the effects of caffeine on our body, specifically our muscles. I cannot remember the name of the book, but I thought I could experiment.
Since the beginning of April, I have been down to one cup of coffee a day. (Couldn't do the cold turkey thing since I tried that five years ago and it was a disaster!) At first I thought , "it isn't so much the caffeine I crave, but the warmth." But I am addicted to caffeine, I know that now. I have to put my mug in the dishwasher right away AND I only make enough to have just one. No Keurig for me; it's too weak!
Those first few days I was SO exhausted!! I felt as if I were moving underwater. Normal activities took me twice as long. But as I kept to my nightly routine of a hot shower and a regular bedtime, I noticed a HUGE difference in how I was sleeping. I slept GOOD!!!
It's almost been a full month. With the exception of an early travel day, (I never sleep good the night before a travel day) my sleep has been deep and uninterrupted. I've noticed that I have more energy during the day and I'm more alert. I've been able to wean myself off my daily iron supplement. The most noticeable and exciting change has been the lack of bags under my eyes. I think I look younger now than I did after my third child was born.
After all, I'm still just a girl wanting to look my best!! That's a habit I'll never want to break!!
I read a great book about our habits and learned that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. It isn't easy, but nothing in life comes easy, does it? Since the new year, I've been focusing on good sleep habits because sleep is where we heal. And if we aren't sleeping good, our body can't heal itself. With heart disease and cancer rates still on the rise, the best I thought I could do was start at home with my own habits. Thus, no more Dr. Pepper, fast food, copious amounts of alcohol, and late nights.
This month, I've been working diligently on trying to get my coffee addiction under control. Yes, I understand that caffeine affects everyone differently. I was having 2-3 LARGE cups of coffee laden with REAL sugar and cream daily. Not the fake creamer, but organic half and half. But during all this "practicing good sleep habits," I was sleeping terribly! I didn't blame the coffee at first...I knew I wasn't exercising as much and I was sitting around reading because its too cold to do anything else. When I'd go to sleep, my back and legs would hurt something fierce, so I'd just pop a few ibuprofen every other night or every night depending on my pain level.
Can't stay young and healthy that way!!
Several years ago, I glanced through an alternative medical book regarding the effects of caffeine on our body, specifically our muscles. I cannot remember the name of the book, but I thought I could experiment.
Since the beginning of April, I have been down to one cup of coffee a day. (Couldn't do the cold turkey thing since I tried that five years ago and it was a disaster!) At first I thought , "it isn't so much the caffeine I crave, but the warmth." But I am addicted to caffeine, I know that now. I have to put my mug in the dishwasher right away AND I only make enough to have just one. No Keurig for me; it's too weak!
Those first few days I was SO exhausted!! I felt as if I were moving underwater. Normal activities took me twice as long. But as I kept to my nightly routine of a hot shower and a regular bedtime, I noticed a HUGE difference in how I was sleeping. I slept GOOD!!!
It's almost been a full month. With the exception of an early travel day, (I never sleep good the night before a travel day) my sleep has been deep and uninterrupted. I've noticed that I have more energy during the day and I'm more alert. I've been able to wean myself off my daily iron supplement. The most noticeable and exciting change has been the lack of bags under my eyes. I think I look younger now than I did after my third child was born.
After all, I'm still just a girl wanting to look my best!! That's a habit I'll never want to break!!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Looks can be Deceiving
I had a great jewelry show down in Corpus Christi this past weekend and got to hang out with Teresa for an overnight. She shared pictures and stories of her recent trip to China, Thailand, and India. We laughed, listened to music, and surfed eBay just for the heck of it. Big change from what we would have done twenty years ago, but HEY! We had to grow up sometime!!
My flight schedule heading home on Sunday was going to take me from Corpus to Houston, then onto Baltimore, then Detroit. The Houston flight wasn't full, but I chose a seat near an older gentleman wearing a Vietnam vet ball cap. He seemed a little startled when I sat down next to him, but I offered a cordial, "Good morning." A bright smile lit up his face. I asked if he minded having a cup of coffee with me and he chuckled! He was dressed in a t shirt that had probably seen better days. His skin was darker than charcoal and he had a musical quality to his voice that had me wondering about his origins.
His paper was open to the section on world events covering the threats coming from North Korea. Something made him confide that he was a recovering alcoholic. It struck me that recovering alcoholics are always the most candid individuals. I guess that comes from years of hiding or lying about their addiction. He proceeded to tell me the most incredible stories of his life. His story only confirmed what I have come to realize within the last few years. There are no coincidences in our life and this was no exception.
Mr. Smith came from a Jamaican father and a West Indies mother. They married during World War II and after his father was discharged from the military, they moved to Pennsylvania . His mom spoke fluent French and Spanish. His brother suffered from polio as a child and was crippled. But his mother, who also worked full time, decided to home school his brother because it was recommended to the family that he be sent to the state school. Mr. Smith said his mother was stubborn and refused to accept that his brother couldn't received a solid education like the rest of her children. (His brother received a college diploma and was a successful engineer and has since retired.)
Mr. Smith was drafted during the Vietnam war and served his time working near the North Korean/South Korean border. He said he would share his rations with the North Korean soldier knowing that either could be executed at anytime for communicating - that's how close he was! He did his four years and wandered aimlessly for a bit, but once his aptitude for languages was discovered, he was sent to the Monterrey Language Institute after he reenlisted...in 1972. (I told him that was a VERY good year!! He agreed.) There he did 12-14 hour days studying Farsi, Hindi, and a few others.
And his world opened up!!
A few of his most notable acts were shaking Nelson Mandela's hand while working in South Africa and meeting a most humble Saudi Prince - which he said didn't happen very often. But his most touching act was the fact that he and his wife adopted a troubled teenage girl who had bounced around the system until she was sixteen. She has since gone on to college and married.
Towards the end of our conversation, I asked him, "Have you found your peace?" He looked me directly in the eye and said, "I have." He encouraged me, "If you do anything for your children, have them learn something about all world religions." He said that it helped him to be welcomed into each culture he visited.
I exited the plane with a happy heart and grateful spirit. Who would have thought that my companion for a thirty minute flight would have such a rich history to share? I could have very easily disregarded him because of his appearance and buried myself in my ever present, ever changing array of novels, but with the gentle nudging of the spirit, I found my own gift of peace.
My flight schedule heading home on Sunday was going to take me from Corpus to Houston, then onto Baltimore, then Detroit. The Houston flight wasn't full, but I chose a seat near an older gentleman wearing a Vietnam vet ball cap. He seemed a little startled when I sat down next to him, but I offered a cordial, "Good morning." A bright smile lit up his face. I asked if he minded having a cup of coffee with me and he chuckled! He was dressed in a t shirt that had probably seen better days. His skin was darker than charcoal and he had a musical quality to his voice that had me wondering about his origins.
His paper was open to the section on world events covering the threats coming from North Korea. Something made him confide that he was a recovering alcoholic. It struck me that recovering alcoholics are always the most candid individuals. I guess that comes from years of hiding or lying about their addiction. He proceeded to tell me the most incredible stories of his life. His story only confirmed what I have come to realize within the last few years. There are no coincidences in our life and this was no exception.
Mr. Smith came from a Jamaican father and a West Indies mother. They married during World War II and after his father was discharged from the military, they moved to Pennsylvania . His mom spoke fluent French and Spanish. His brother suffered from polio as a child and was crippled. But his mother, who also worked full time, decided to home school his brother because it was recommended to the family that he be sent to the state school. Mr. Smith said his mother was stubborn and refused to accept that his brother couldn't received a solid education like the rest of her children. (His brother received a college diploma and was a successful engineer and has since retired.)
Mr. Smith was drafted during the Vietnam war and served his time working near the North Korean/South Korean border. He said he would share his rations with the North Korean soldier knowing that either could be executed at anytime for communicating - that's how close he was! He did his four years and wandered aimlessly for a bit, but once his aptitude for languages was discovered, he was sent to the Monterrey Language Institute after he reenlisted...in 1972. (I told him that was a VERY good year!! He agreed.) There he did 12-14 hour days studying Farsi, Hindi, and a few others.
And his world opened up!!
A few of his most notable acts were shaking Nelson Mandela's hand while working in South Africa and meeting a most humble Saudi Prince - which he said didn't happen very often. But his most touching act was the fact that he and his wife adopted a troubled teenage girl who had bounced around the system until she was sixteen. She has since gone on to college and married.
Towards the end of our conversation, I asked him, "Have you found your peace?" He looked me directly in the eye and said, "I have." He encouraged me, "If you do anything for your children, have them learn something about all world religions." He said that it helped him to be welcomed into each culture he visited.
I exited the plane with a happy heart and grateful spirit. Who would have thought that my companion for a thirty minute flight would have such a rich history to share? I could have very easily disregarded him because of his appearance and buried myself in my ever present, ever changing array of novels, but with the gentle nudging of the spirit, I found my own gift of peace.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Would you get REAL already?!
I've noticed that it's that time of the year in Texas. The Susan G. Komen - Race for the Cure was held last weekend in San Antonio and I know that teams are forming now for the Relay for Life coming up in May. It is exciting to see the growing number of participants and the large amounts of money raised to support these causes to find cures for cancer. Cancer is undeniably a threatening and scary diagnosis for all involved, not just the diagnosed individual. We were approached by a number of friends to donate money to support their cause.
And then I saw something so unbelievable that it sent me over the edge and made me rethink donating.
What shot my Irish/German temper STRAIGHT through the roof was a photo a friend had posted on Facebook about a fundraiser that was held to raise money for the Race for the Cure. (I'm getting royally peeved right now just thinking about it.) They were selling hotdogs, chips, and soda. Let me say it again a little louder. THEY WERE SELLING HOTDOGS, CHIPS, AND SODAS!!!!!
Can someone PLEASE explain WHY??? Please explain WHY we are being asked to donate millions of dollars to find a cure for cancer when the volunteers are going to raise money selling cancer causing agents?! Why not just go buy a carton of cigarettes and sell them for $1 each? That would raise ALOT of money to donate to these organizations. Harsh, maybe...but if you really think about it, it's true.
I have a number of friends and family that have been touched in some way by cancer; from the removal of pre-cancerous cells, to lumpectomies, to chemo treatment and radiation, and those that have succumbed leaving behind their loved ones . Cancer obviously doesn't care if you're rich or poor, American, Mexican, German, or African, skinny or fat, young or old. But why cook with plastic in your microwave, or drink out of water bottles that have set who knows how long in a warehouse lacking central A/C? Why dump that nasty orange powder into your noodles and call it a homemade dinner? So WHY should I go buy a hot dog, chips, and a soda to help raise money for cancer research when eating that kind of food will just increase my risk of cancer in the future?
As sad as it is to say, it's almost as if the public is serving themselves up to these organizations to be researched on later as subjects themselves!!
I am not against raising money and donating for good causes. Finding a cure for cancer is a NOBLE cause. But please, start at home. Use REAL butter and eat REAL cheese. Instead of sodas laden with high fructose corn syrup and who knows that else, make tea using REAL sugar. Have a REAL lunch with a green salad instead of grabbing that artificial food from Taco Bell. Go for a walk everyday and encourage your neighbors, friends, and family to do it, too instead of walking once a year.
Get REAL!!
And then I saw something so unbelievable that it sent me over the edge and made me rethink donating.
What shot my Irish/German temper STRAIGHT through the roof was a photo a friend had posted on Facebook about a fundraiser that was held to raise money for the Race for the Cure. (I'm getting royally peeved right now just thinking about it.) They were selling hotdogs, chips, and soda. Let me say it again a little louder. THEY WERE SELLING HOTDOGS, CHIPS, AND SODAS!!!!!
Can someone PLEASE explain WHY??? Please explain WHY we are being asked to donate millions of dollars to find a cure for cancer when the volunteers are going to raise money selling cancer causing agents?! Why not just go buy a carton of cigarettes and sell them for $1 each? That would raise ALOT of money to donate to these organizations. Harsh, maybe...but if you really think about it, it's true.
I have a number of friends and family that have been touched in some way by cancer; from the removal of pre-cancerous cells, to lumpectomies, to chemo treatment and radiation, and those that have succumbed leaving behind their loved ones . Cancer obviously doesn't care if you're rich or poor, American, Mexican, German, or African, skinny or fat, young or old. But why cook with plastic in your microwave, or drink out of water bottles that have set who knows how long in a warehouse lacking central A/C? Why dump that nasty orange powder into your noodles and call it a homemade dinner? So WHY should I go buy a hot dog, chips, and a soda to help raise money for cancer research when eating that kind of food will just increase my risk of cancer in the future?
As sad as it is to say, it's almost as if the public is serving themselves up to these organizations to be researched on later as subjects themselves!!
I am not against raising money and donating for good causes. Finding a cure for cancer is a NOBLE cause. But please, start at home. Use REAL butter and eat REAL cheese. Instead of sodas laden with high fructose corn syrup and who knows that else, make tea using REAL sugar. Have a REAL lunch with a green salad instead of grabbing that artificial food from Taco Bell. Go for a walk everyday and encourage your neighbors, friends, and family to do it, too instead of walking once a year.
Get REAL!!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Changing the name?!?
This past weekend I was all literally over the map. Friday started out on a high note because I was ready for my great adventure. (It's definitely easier to travel alone when I have weekends like this past one.) I went from Detroit to San Antonio with relative ease and enjoyed a quick lunch with my mom before beginning the journey.
Why label a trip to San Antonio a "journey?"
The traffic is nightmarish to say the least, especially when you plan on being across town within an hour. And the highways are under construction/ I was on the Northeast side, North Central, Northwest, and the South side all within a 36 hour period. Bleh!!
But that was only the beginning!! The true journey began Monday morning, dark and early, when my sweet friend's husband drove me to the airport. I was able to catch a flight and get as far as Chicago. My knight in shining armor, AKA Mike, made a reservation through a certain travel site, against better judgment. I've just heard way too many stories, and none of them are any good! I picked up the car in drizzly Chicago and made my way through more traffic until I reached the highway. Let me tell you, Illinois has some pretty good highways!! In fact, parts of the highway in Chicago are supple and bouncy...no joke!!
As I made my way through Indiana and Michigan, I was struck by the fact that I could honestly be a Gypsy. Maybe not in the sense that anyone would recognize - no swarthy Romanian or Hungarian background here! However, Webster defines a Gypsy as a person who roams about without a fixed route or destination. That's me (or us!!) We have been moving so much the last few years and my business has taken me in so many directions, that why not rename my blog? It would aptly define who I've become and maybe describe who I've always been. Mike likes to tease that he fulfilled that dream when we moved to New York, but before we moved, we were always taking weekend trips and great vacations!
So I am excited to share this journey and look forward to recalling some fond memories from cities past.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Tales of an American Gypsy
We are six months into another move - this time to the grand state of Michigan. So grand that when I first heard of the possibility, I thought I would vomit. It wasn't necessarily Michigan, but the thought of living in or near Detroit since EVERYTHING we've heard has been unpleasantly dangerous.
Yet here we are - enjoying our first actual weekend of Spring and I think we may come to find ourselves defending a beautiful state.
Now, don't get me wrong...we practically hibernated this Winter. For the love of Pete, we've been here since Thanksgiving weekend! Oh yes...we endured the DOG DAYS of Winter. It was a monotony of coffee, movies, reading, quick potty breaks for the dogs, and a deep seated (hidden) restlessness that decided to rear its head this weekend!
Changes from Tennessee? Yes! Was Tennessee a change from New York? Uh, yeah! How about New York from Texas? We were pegged "from the South" the day we arrived in upstate New York.
I've received a few of the same questions here that I received in TN. Biggest question #1 - "Do you think that the schools aren't good here?" (If I've never mentioned it before, we are homeschoolers due to our Gypsy lifestyle. It has NOTHING to do with religion or ratings!) Question #2 - "How long will you live here?"
And I guess that's the reason behind the blog tonight. When we decided to live life on the go, we didn't know what to expect. Originally we were doing it just to pay the bills. It was survival, pure and simple. But today it has enriched our lives more than we thought capable. We have the marital relationship that we always craved. Our younger children are being raised and schooled without thoughts of bullying, peer pressure, or violence. We have met some of the most amazing people and gone down roads that we wouldn't have just five short years ago. But we still need friends. We still need to know that someone close is looking out for us. In Tennessee we had some of the best neighbors and the kids were thrilled to be apart of a group again while in New York I made some close friends that will be treasured for life. What or who will Michigan share with us while we are here??
Yet here we are - enjoying our first actual weekend of Spring and I think we may come to find ourselves defending a beautiful state.
Now, don't get me wrong...we practically hibernated this Winter. For the love of Pete, we've been here since Thanksgiving weekend! Oh yes...we endured the DOG DAYS of Winter. It was a monotony of coffee, movies, reading, quick potty breaks for the dogs, and a deep seated (hidden) restlessness that decided to rear its head this weekend!
Changes from Tennessee? Yes! Was Tennessee a change from New York? Uh, yeah! How about New York from Texas? We were pegged "from the South" the day we arrived in upstate New York.
I've received a few of the same questions here that I received in TN. Biggest question #1 - "Do you think that the schools aren't good here?" (If I've never mentioned it before, we are homeschoolers due to our Gypsy lifestyle. It has NOTHING to do with religion or ratings!) Question #2 - "How long will you live here?"
And I guess that's the reason behind the blog tonight. When we decided to live life on the go, we didn't know what to expect. Originally we were doing it just to pay the bills. It was survival, pure and simple. But today it has enriched our lives more than we thought capable. We have the marital relationship that we always craved. Our younger children are being raised and schooled without thoughts of bullying, peer pressure, or violence. We have met some of the most amazing people and gone down roads that we wouldn't have just five short years ago. But we still need friends. We still need to know that someone close is looking out for us. In Tennessee we had some of the best neighbors and the kids were thrilled to be apart of a group again while in New York I made some close friends that will be treasured for life. What or who will Michigan share with us while we are here??
Monday, October 17, 2011
Society is ticking me off!
I am angry this morning. I am angry at a society that has taken away a mother's role in the household to send her out into a workforce while her children are raised by someone else. I am angry at a society that puts more value on monetary gains and material possessions that on the well being and health of our children. I am angry at a society that allows government officials to make a decision to vaccinate our children without parental consent. I am angry that what I do in my household is isn't good enough and is considered unworthy.
Fifty years ago, a woman could keep a clean house, have dinner on the table, and help her children with their homework without being criticized for not working outside the home. A woman was expected to look her part - meaning that she could dress up to look like a WOMAN without being criticized for how much she spent on make up, clothes, or accessories. A husband was proud of what his wife could do with the minimal that they had.
Shame on a society that would make a husband feel torn on whether or not his wife should work outside or inside the home. Shame on a society for bringing confusion and frustration into our homes. And shame on US for allowing all of this to happen because we were too apathetic to lift a finger because we were too busy chasing the dollar and watching TV and forgetting to go to church and be aware of our surroundings and being a voice to our children.
Fifty years ago, a woman could keep a clean house, have dinner on the table, and help her children with their homework without being criticized for not working outside the home. A woman was expected to look her part - meaning that she could dress up to look like a WOMAN without being criticized for how much she spent on make up, clothes, or accessories. A husband was proud of what his wife could do with the minimal that they had.
Shame on a society that would make a husband feel torn on whether or not his wife should work outside or inside the home. Shame on a society for bringing confusion and frustration into our homes. And shame on US for allowing all of this to happen because we were too apathetic to lift a finger because we were too busy chasing the dollar and watching TV and forgetting to go to church and be aware of our surroundings and being a voice to our children.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Right Where I Need To Be
I got up really early this morning. It was a simple gesture of support since Mike and James both had to be at work early. I made coffee and ensured that they had homemade banana bread that I prepared last night...it was still warm!! I didn't shove them out the door...really.
It's just that I've come to enjoy my morning routine and it is truly one of my greatest pleasures. It's MY morning, MY coffee, MY fresh air, MY music....it's MY gift that I want to enjoy. Even though I may suffer minor twinges due to the onset of middle age, (whatever...I just have to say that because that's what my body thinks...my mind knows better!) I am determined to enjoy my day.
I caught up with an old friend from high school yesterday. As we chatted, we realized that we hadn't talked in three years! For the sake of argument, that's really not a long time. But when you think about all the changes that have occurred - however minor - three years can seem like an eternity to some.
Three years ago, I graduated from college with no set goals in mind. Why? The start of the recession, silly! Jobs that were rocking when I started back to college in 2006 were no longer viable options in 2008. I had just fallen into a small home based business that I thought I could "try." And I kept looking. I kept thinking that there wasn't anything out there for me. My mornings came to be a time of tears and frustration, as well as bitterness at others' success. As I'd drive to the array of "careers" I had between 2008-2010, I'd be angry at the moms getting to walk their children to school. I'd be jealous of those driving nicer vehicles than mine. Facebook became a source that fed my bitterness because of all the happy - happy "Look how good I'm doing" posts. I wanted to puke at the injustice of it all.
Then a funny thing happened in June 2009. My sweet friend, Becky, and I (together we are the super hero Dorky Beeen) just decided to do things different. We decided to decide. No more dwelling on the worst things that could happen. It all boiled down to a simple quote from Mark Twain. Paraphrased, it said, "If you were to eat a toad every morning, chances are that's the worst thing that will happen to you that day."
I can't say things were super perfect after that, but I can say that my attitude was greatly improved. I still had moments of self doubt and still had to jump into another "career", but I had finally realized what I was good at and had found my place in the world.
What I realized was this: I love people. I love laughter. I love sharing great conversations. I love a good cup of coffee. I love music that speaks to my soul. I love my family. I love helping.
So how do I wrap all of that up into one neat, tidy package? That little home based business that I had fallen into was still plodding along. I was still playing in jewelry with ladies and meeting new people. The jewelry shows kept coming...but I kept looking for that other career that was going to send me to the next level.
And then suddenly in January 2010, I was hit with real life. My dermatologist (for the 2nd time) found a precancerous mole in an area that we could not blame on the sun. Mike made the decision to come with me to the Regional conference that Premier was holding in Dallas, since I needed assistance getting around. Originally, he was going to catch up on some much needed sleep while I learned how to keep my home shows going. Once we got there, he decided to join me because it was crowded and he didn't want me getting jostled (the surgery was to remove a mole on my foot) and he could also get a little more insight into "our" Premier business.
I can't say how much that conference changed our thinking. There weren't any amazing, profound "secrets" that these leaders shared. There was the jeweler who had moved a ton of times because she was in the military. There was the jeweler who was a total feeler, as opposed to a doer. She hated going to the post office, too. But she was making it work. I know there were other speakers, but I can't say that I "got" what they were talking about. The message was just take care of your guests and hostesses.
So we came home and did just that. And the shows kept coming. I just kept playing in the jewelry, loving on all the ladies...laughing with them...helping them...and knew I was right where I needed to be. When that realization hit - that I could use my gifts - business began to grow faster than I expected. I still suffered from insecurities, but everything was moving forward. Even when the bottom dropped out and we had to move away from our life in San Antonio without Christian...we still maintained a positive outlook. And our business kept growing.
Yesterday, I looked at the numbers to see if we will be able to make this cruise that Premier is sending their leadership on. These numbers are a direct reflection of my work. Mike had to pry me off the ceiling when I realized that we are very likely going to go for free. And the shows keep coming and I just keep loving on my hostesses and they accept my love and they accept me for my love of music and coffee and family.
I can say with confidence that I was never a jewelry person. I didn't notice it until 2008. But I am forever grateful for Andy and Joan Horner for seeing a need in the US for a business that could work for moms - single or married. Jewelry is just the vehicle. Our business is so much more than that.
And it allows me mornings like this to enjoy the new day before it actually begins :)
It's just that I've come to enjoy my morning routine and it is truly one of my greatest pleasures. It's MY morning, MY coffee, MY fresh air, MY music....it's MY gift that I want to enjoy. Even though I may suffer minor twinges due to the onset of middle age, (whatever...I just have to say that because that's what my body thinks...my mind knows better!) I am determined to enjoy my day.
I caught up with an old friend from high school yesterday. As we chatted, we realized that we hadn't talked in three years! For the sake of argument, that's really not a long time. But when you think about all the changes that have occurred - however minor - three years can seem like an eternity to some.
Three years ago, I graduated from college with no set goals in mind. Why? The start of the recession, silly! Jobs that were rocking when I started back to college in 2006 were no longer viable options in 2008. I had just fallen into a small home based business that I thought I could "try." And I kept looking. I kept thinking that there wasn't anything out there for me. My mornings came to be a time of tears and frustration, as well as bitterness at others' success. As I'd drive to the array of "careers" I had between 2008-2010, I'd be angry at the moms getting to walk their children to school. I'd be jealous of those driving nicer vehicles than mine. Facebook became a source that fed my bitterness because of all the happy - happy "Look how good I'm doing" posts. I wanted to puke at the injustice of it all.
Then a funny thing happened in June 2009. My sweet friend, Becky, and I (together we are the super hero Dorky Beeen) just decided to do things different. We decided to decide. No more dwelling on the worst things that could happen. It all boiled down to a simple quote from Mark Twain. Paraphrased, it said, "If you were to eat a toad every morning, chances are that's the worst thing that will happen to you that day."
I can't say things were super perfect after that, but I can say that my attitude was greatly improved. I still had moments of self doubt and still had to jump into another "career", but I had finally realized what I was good at and had found my place in the world.
What I realized was this: I love people. I love laughter. I love sharing great conversations. I love a good cup of coffee. I love music that speaks to my soul. I love my family. I love helping.
So how do I wrap all of that up into one neat, tidy package? That little home based business that I had fallen into was still plodding along. I was still playing in jewelry with ladies and meeting new people. The jewelry shows kept coming...but I kept looking for that other career that was going to send me to the next level.
And then suddenly in January 2010, I was hit with real life. My dermatologist (for the 2nd time) found a precancerous mole in an area that we could not blame on the sun. Mike made the decision to come with me to the Regional conference that Premier was holding in Dallas, since I needed assistance getting around. Originally, he was going to catch up on some much needed sleep while I learned how to keep my home shows going. Once we got there, he decided to join me because it was crowded and he didn't want me getting jostled (the surgery was to remove a mole on my foot) and he could also get a little more insight into "our" Premier business.
I can't say how much that conference changed our thinking. There weren't any amazing, profound "secrets" that these leaders shared. There was the jeweler who had moved a ton of times because she was in the military. There was the jeweler who was a total feeler, as opposed to a doer. She hated going to the post office, too. But she was making it work. I know there were other speakers, but I can't say that I "got" what they were talking about. The message was just take care of your guests and hostesses.
So we came home and did just that. And the shows kept coming. I just kept playing in the jewelry, loving on all the ladies...laughing with them...helping them...and knew I was right where I needed to be. When that realization hit - that I could use my gifts - business began to grow faster than I expected. I still suffered from insecurities, but everything was moving forward. Even when the bottom dropped out and we had to move away from our life in San Antonio without Christian...we still maintained a positive outlook. And our business kept growing.
Yesterday, I looked at the numbers to see if we will be able to make this cruise that Premier is sending their leadership on. These numbers are a direct reflection of my work. Mike had to pry me off the ceiling when I realized that we are very likely going to go for free. And the shows keep coming and I just keep loving on my hostesses and they accept my love and they accept me for my love of music and coffee and family.
I can say with confidence that I was never a jewelry person. I didn't notice it until 2008. But I am forever grateful for Andy and Joan Horner for seeing a need in the US for a business that could work for moms - single or married. Jewelry is just the vehicle. Our business is so much more than that.
And it allows me mornings like this to enjoy the new day before it actually begins :)
Friday, September 9, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
My Cup Runneth Over
I am in a position to say that I am happier today than I have been in a long time. This isn't a statement that I make lightly either. I've got ALL of my children under my roof tonight, we ate a delicious dish of chicken and chili on tortillas that I prepared over a week ago (Love my freezer meals!!), and we are going to spend tomorrow morning at Long Hunter State Park assisting with a conservation effort. Am I a blessed girl or what?!
I couldn't help but think tonight as I was on the way to pick up Christian from the airport that I couldn't be happier. I am so full of joy that some days I just cry. Nothing substantial, mind you, it's just the tears come unexpectedly. A sweet call from a friend, a kind word from a stranger, or a long look from Mike that just makes me realize that even though we've been married for as long as we have he still sees my heart.
And then sometimes I have those thoughts that sneak in before I know what hits me. The ones that whisper, "This won't last long," or "nothing this good lasts forever." I've had to get REALLY good at pushing them aside. I KNOW THAT! I know that things happen. Parents get older, children get sick, homes are lost in a blink of an eye...God, don't I know anything can happen!!
I'm going to ask that my friends and family join me in seeing the beauty around them. Look at your children, for heaven's sake, and truly see the gifts you've been given. Look at the spouse that you've chosen and reach down deep and remember why you married them in the first place. Feel how fortunate you are when you crawl out of bed in the morning as you get ready for your day. (Because some of us are literally crawling out of bed.) Just remember that you have a heavenly Father that loves you more than anything. He's just waiting for you to see Him, too.
Enjoy!!
I couldn't help but think tonight as I was on the way to pick up Christian from the airport that I couldn't be happier. I am so full of joy that some days I just cry. Nothing substantial, mind you, it's just the tears come unexpectedly. A sweet call from a friend, a kind word from a stranger, or a long look from Mike that just makes me realize that even though we've been married for as long as we have he still sees my heart.
And then sometimes I have those thoughts that sneak in before I know what hits me. The ones that whisper, "This won't last long," or "nothing this good lasts forever." I've had to get REALLY good at pushing them aside. I KNOW THAT! I know that things happen. Parents get older, children get sick, homes are lost in a blink of an eye...God, don't I know anything can happen!!
I'm going to ask that my friends and family join me in seeing the beauty around them. Look at your children, for heaven's sake, and truly see the gifts you've been given. Look at the spouse that you've chosen and reach down deep and remember why you married them in the first place. Feel how fortunate you are when you crawl out of bed in the morning as you get ready for your day. (Because some of us are literally crawling out of bed.) Just remember that you have a heavenly Father that loves you more than anything. He's just waiting for you to see Him, too.
Enjoy!!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Everyday Changes
My thoughts are a mess this morning. The weather is changing - it is a brisk morning and with the leaves falling, Autumn is definitely right around the corner and that makes me sad. Although I'd like to blame the change of seasons for causing this mess in my head - I can't put a seem to wrap my head around any one thought today and I know it's because so many things changed this weekend - not just the weather.
Ten years ago, I was not quite 30 years old...just a baby in the great scheme of life! Terrorists on our doorstep was impossible, even though 9/11 was just a few weeks away. Katrina, that monstrous storm, wasn't even close to being on the radar. My skin was still supple, my hair lustrous, my back - OK, my back was stiffer. We still played cards with Mike and Kelley, celebrated New Year's with Jeremy and Cynthia, and had Friday night high school football to look forward to.
But now, I find myself clinging to my children almost desperately because I am not ready for them to be "grown ups." I want Christian to move back home so I can take care of him. I don't want Severn to drive because that just means he's driving away from me and one day, he'll be like Christian, living in another city. I don't want Miranda to stop reading the Warrior series because that means she'll no longer have a little girl's heart.
Will there still be room for me? I want to be a mom - it's what I'm good at.
And my heart - it seems to have changed the most. It's not unlike Plato's Allegory of the Cave. There is so much that I've learned and experienced through the years that sometimes I wish I could go back to the cave and face the wall. But I can't. Everyday, I feel God working in my heart and I just want to cry for all the beauty I see. How can I go back to the chains and face the blank cave wall and believe that those shadows I see are my reality?
There's a great song that came out about 10 years ago (maybe 15, but who's counting?) called "Time Marches On." It's truly a COUNTRY song - and the content speaks more clearly to me today than it did 10 years ago.
Ten years ago, I was not quite 30 years old...just a baby in the great scheme of life! Terrorists on our doorstep was impossible, even though 9/11 was just a few weeks away. Katrina, that monstrous storm, wasn't even close to being on the radar. My skin was still supple, my hair lustrous, my back - OK, my back was stiffer. We still played cards with Mike and Kelley, celebrated New Year's with Jeremy and Cynthia, and had Friday night high school football to look forward to.
But now, I find myself clinging to my children almost desperately because I am not ready for them to be "grown ups." I want Christian to move back home so I can take care of him. I don't want Severn to drive because that just means he's driving away from me and one day, he'll be like Christian, living in another city. I don't want Miranda to stop reading the Warrior series because that means she'll no longer have a little girl's heart.
Will there still be room for me? I want to be a mom - it's what I'm good at.
And my heart - it seems to have changed the most. It's not unlike Plato's Allegory of the Cave. There is so much that I've learned and experienced through the years that sometimes I wish I could go back to the cave and face the wall. But I can't. Everyday, I feel God working in my heart and I just want to cry for all the beauty I see. How can I go back to the chains and face the blank cave wall and believe that those shadows I see are my reality?
There's a great song that came out about 10 years ago (maybe 15, but who's counting?) called "Time Marches On." It's truly a COUNTRY song - and the content speaks more clearly to me today than it did 10 years ago.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Gonna getcha on this one!
God was listening today...and it wasn't to me.
It started last night. Maybe I shouldn't have issued that challenge. (I'm going to listen because I want to feel the wind on my face, etc, etc) Sigh....
Let me rewind. When we lived in New York, we attended a Lutheran church called...Prince of Peace. Same as the church we attended in San Antonio, but different. New York posed all sorts of challenges, although we couldn't pinpoint them at the time. The biggest challenge being that none of us had lived away from San Antonio since the early 80's (cough, cough...Mike.) We all had to deal with our own trials - and if you haven't ever moved away from all you hold dear to your heart - don't judge...it hurts in ways you'll never know!
In the course of the 7 months at Prince of Peace; New York - they issued a survey to determine what each members' strengths were. I received mine right before we moved to Tennessee. Discernment, Evangelism, and Faith. Essentially- I'm the friend you want to have because I believe in God - I know His Son died for all of us, and I'm not afraid to share His Word, and guess what?!?!...I know what you are feeling because He sends me in when you need me the most!
Fast forward to today. I don't know if I made a difference, but I can tell you that I received all sorts of trials - not of my own doing. It just worked out that God needed me today as His liaison. I think it took the 2nd or 3rd go around that it finally connected...."Uh, duh...God, is this for me? Because I was having a great day before that call BEFORE my first cup of coffee! (Pause.) Oh, I need to listen for YOU? (Another pause.) OK...ten - four!"
It started last night. Maybe I shouldn't have issued that challenge. (I'm going to listen because I want to feel the wind on my face, etc, etc) Sigh....
Let me rewind. When we lived in New York, we attended a Lutheran church called...Prince of Peace. Same as the church we attended in San Antonio, but different. New York posed all sorts of challenges, although we couldn't pinpoint them at the time. The biggest challenge being that none of us had lived away from San Antonio since the early 80's (cough, cough...Mike.) We all had to deal with our own trials - and if you haven't ever moved away from all you hold dear to your heart - don't judge...it hurts in ways you'll never know!
In the course of the 7 months at Prince of Peace; New York - they issued a survey to determine what each members' strengths were. I received mine right before we moved to Tennessee. Discernment, Evangelism, and Faith. Essentially- I'm the friend you want to have because I believe in God - I know His Son died for all of us, and I'm not afraid to share His Word, and guess what?!?!...I know what you are feeling because He sends me in when you need me the most!
Fast forward to today. I don't know if I made a difference, but I can tell you that I received all sorts of trials - not of my own doing. It just worked out that God needed me today as His liaison. I think it took the 2nd or 3rd go around that it finally connected...."Uh, duh...God, is this for me? Because I was having a great day before that call BEFORE my first cup of coffee! (Pause.) Oh, I need to listen for YOU? (Another pause.) OK...ten - four!"
Monday, August 15, 2011
Why do I blog?
Can't say that I am the most consistent blogger in the state of TN - but I do know that when I blog I feel that I have lifted a great weight off my shoulders and continue on until the world is crushing me again.
I'm crushed....perhaps if I dump into said BLOG, life will turn right side up again!
After a whirlwind business trip through crispy Texas and up to the lush greenness of upstate New York, I left no time to just "BE." Between moving all of our belongings from Texas to Tennessee - (and freaking out about our Maverick running away/getting lost) then flying back to Texas to play in the jewelry (do I have the best hostesses or WHAT?!) then up to New York to make new friends and play in more jewelry....man oh man....would you think am I tired!? No, not in the least, but I think that's what should have come after all that!
I did almost fall asleep in church on Sunday - Pastor Kevin had a great sermon (God's all seeing eye), but it was my time to BE. We rush so quickly through our daily lives that we forget to just take a moment and enjoy the silence. Not that there is much silence in the Rollins' household...except maybe at 5:30 AM. I want to sit outside and marvel at the creation in front of me. I want to feel the cool breeze on my face as I take that first sip of hot coffee.
So here is my own personal challenge for tomorrow. I am going to do exactly that...so that when I come to blog again, I will be calmer and lighter of heart, so that as I blog, I can solve the world's problems, one blog at a time!
I'm crushed....perhaps if I dump into said BLOG, life will turn right side up again!
After a whirlwind business trip through crispy Texas and up to the lush greenness of upstate New York, I left no time to just "BE." Between moving all of our belongings from Texas to Tennessee - (and freaking out about our Maverick running away/getting lost) then flying back to Texas to play in the jewelry (do I have the best hostesses or WHAT?!) then up to New York to make new friends and play in more jewelry....man oh man....would you think am I tired!? No, not in the least, but I think that's what should have come after all that!
I did almost fall asleep in church on Sunday - Pastor Kevin had a great sermon (God's all seeing eye), but it was my time to BE. We rush so quickly through our daily lives that we forget to just take a moment and enjoy the silence. Not that there is much silence in the Rollins' household...except maybe at 5:30 AM. I want to sit outside and marvel at the creation in front of me. I want to feel the cool breeze on my face as I take that first sip of hot coffee.
So here is my own personal challenge for tomorrow. I am going to do exactly that...so that when I come to blog again, I will be calmer and lighter of heart, so that as I blog, I can solve the world's problems, one blog at a time!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Can you see me now?
A couple of months ago, my dad and I had a rather interesting discussion about passing the peace in church. Who really sees you as they shake your hand? The eyes are the window to the soul. So if you don't look at their face, how will you truly pass God's peace?
I decided to do an experiment. I've been attending a new church in the Mt. Juliet area. This past weekend was probably the best time to try this since Severn and Miranda were in Corpus Christi with their grandparents. Mike was working. How many people would actually see me?
I came into the church at the beginning of the service. It started late since everyone was still in fellowship - good to know, right? Especially since this was my 4th or 5th time to visit. There weren't a lot of people in church - I imagine it was due to the holiday weekend. The songs were sang and the pastor had a great message.
"The peace of the Lord be with you all." It was time. I turned to the family behind me. Their 15 year old daughter looked me in the eyes and smiled. She saw me!! Same for the dad and the mom - I felt as if I struck gold!! But then that feeling of belonging rapidly began to dissipate. Hands were clasped, but eyes slid over and past me. Don't you see me? I wanted to ask. I could be hurting here!! But they were moving around the church quickly greeting their friends and loved ones. I shook hands with a few other souls, attempting to make eye contact. No luck. Another lady came up to me and introduced herself while shaking my hand. But my feelings were already hurt, to be completely honest. It's hard to maintain objectivity when one uses oneself as an experiment, you know.
Four out of about 40 people acknowledged me sitting there, alone.
It isn't ever easy to be the new kid on the block. It doesn't matter whether it's work, church, or school. But I'm glad I tried - and I'll try again next Sunday. Because I've learned it is very easy to get comfortable - and we all know that comfort is the enemy of achievement (not my quote). But if I were to maintain my current level of comfort, I would probably miss some great people and perhaps some great friendships.
You know that first family that I turned to with the 15 year old daughter? The mom asked if I had plans that afternoon. She didn't like the idea of me being alone. She saw me and my need. And that is truly God's peace.
I decided to do an experiment. I've been attending a new church in the Mt. Juliet area. This past weekend was probably the best time to try this since Severn and Miranda were in Corpus Christi with their grandparents. Mike was working. How many people would actually see me?
I came into the church at the beginning of the service. It started late since everyone was still in fellowship - good to know, right? Especially since this was my 4th or 5th time to visit. There weren't a lot of people in church - I imagine it was due to the holiday weekend. The songs were sang and the pastor had a great message.
"The peace of the Lord be with you all." It was time. I turned to the family behind me. Their 15 year old daughter looked me in the eyes and smiled. She saw me!! Same for the dad and the mom - I felt as if I struck gold!! But then that feeling of belonging rapidly began to dissipate. Hands were clasped, but eyes slid over and past me. Don't you see me? I wanted to ask. I could be hurting here!! But they were moving around the church quickly greeting their friends and loved ones. I shook hands with a few other souls, attempting to make eye contact. No luck. Another lady came up to me and introduced herself while shaking my hand. But my feelings were already hurt, to be completely honest. It's hard to maintain objectivity when one uses oneself as an experiment, you know.
Four out of about 40 people acknowledged me sitting there, alone.
It isn't ever easy to be the new kid on the block. It doesn't matter whether it's work, church, or school. But I'm glad I tried - and I'll try again next Sunday. Because I've learned it is very easy to get comfortable - and we all know that comfort is the enemy of achievement (not my quote). But if I were to maintain my current level of comfort, I would probably miss some great people and perhaps some great friendships.
You know that first family that I turned to with the 15 year old daughter? The mom asked if I had plans that afternoon. She didn't like the idea of me being alone. She saw me and my need. And that is truly God's peace.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Homeschooling - To do or Not to do?
It's been a full year since Mike and I made the decision to home school and I've got to say that I'm still not completely sold on the idea. We made this decision a little late in the game - one graduated from public school, one went through 8th grade and the other through 5th grade. I guess you can say that our family is conditioned for public school and the rituals and routines that go along with it. We loved the football games with halftime performances. Oh, and the anticipation for any holiday or 3 day weekend....we could sleep in!!
But when we started to dissect HOW the kids were learning and WHAT they were learning - that was what led us to consider homeschooling in the first place. The biggest problem was that Severn was spending most of his days in the Principal's office - not because he was in trouble - but always for some injustice done to him. Some were too trivial to mention, but others were valid, HUGE problems that no parent ever wants to deal with. The bullying, the disrespectful punks who wouldn't allow teachers to do their job, and let's face it, the teachers that didn't want to do their jobs didn't invite a love of learning.
Mike and I really hesitated when it came to Miranda because she did quite well in public school. She loves to learn, loves to socialize, and basically thrives in the public school setting. But the girls were starting to get catty...the name calling was beginning...why is it that the first thing children learn how to insult in today's society is sexuality? Well, shoot - hang on a sec...I think we did the same thing in elementary and middle school. Sigh...but I think the term "gay" was really all that we used.
But I digress...
The girls were now dating or "going out" with boys, wearing make up, and super tight jeans. The simplicity of Childhood was basically drop kicked out the window. There were more days than I can count that I had to send Miranda into school crying because she couldn't get a grasp on those crazy emotions - OR that she couldn't tell me what was wrong. And that is no way for anyone to start their day.
So they were learning - their test scores always proved that, but at what cost? Is their sense of self worth really something to sacrifice? And what other self destructive patterns would have been in their future?
The first thing that Mike and I noticed after we moved to NY and began homeschooling instruction was that Severn could walk by a group of boys without worrying about being messed with. Miranda stopped biting her nails. The anger that Severn had always carried around slowly began to melt away. (We thought this was just his personality.) We still had to deal with residual behaviors like Severn calling Miranda names when we weren't around to build himself up, etc, etc. But once we drilled into him that all he's doing is tearing her down and we are in charge of building her up, he started to treat her with more respect. That was a trait learned from other children because I like to think we are pretty respectful in our household.
I'm not going to say instructing my own children has been easy either. As I mentioned earlier, we are conditioned to the public school system. Thus, I get really frustrated when it's time for them to wake up and get started for the day and they feel no sense of urgency. And adding Bailey's to my coffee every morning to alleviate my frustrations wasn't going to be a solution.
I imagine that as we move into our second year of homeschooling we will see even more growth. Their test scores still prove they are learning. And there is a sense of excitement. AND, my coffee is just coffee.
But when we started to dissect HOW the kids were learning and WHAT they were learning - that was what led us to consider homeschooling in the first place. The biggest problem was that Severn was spending most of his days in the Principal's office - not because he was in trouble - but always for some injustice done to him. Some were too trivial to mention, but others were valid, HUGE problems that no parent ever wants to deal with. The bullying, the disrespectful punks who wouldn't allow teachers to do their job, and let's face it, the teachers that didn't want to do their jobs didn't invite a love of learning.
Mike and I really hesitated when it came to Miranda because she did quite well in public school. She loves to learn, loves to socialize, and basically thrives in the public school setting. But the girls were starting to get catty...the name calling was beginning...why is it that the first thing children learn how to insult in today's society is sexuality? Well, shoot - hang on a sec...I think we did the same thing in elementary and middle school. Sigh...but I think the term "gay" was really all that we used.
But I digress...
The girls were now dating or "going out" with boys, wearing make up, and super tight jeans. The simplicity of Childhood was basically drop kicked out the window. There were more days than I can count that I had to send Miranda into school crying because she couldn't get a grasp on those crazy emotions - OR that she couldn't tell me what was wrong. And that is no way for anyone to start their day.
So they were learning - their test scores always proved that, but at what cost? Is their sense of self worth really something to sacrifice? And what other self destructive patterns would have been in their future?
The first thing that Mike and I noticed after we moved to NY and began homeschooling instruction was that Severn could walk by a group of boys without worrying about being messed with. Miranda stopped biting her nails. The anger that Severn had always carried around slowly began to melt away. (We thought this was just his personality.) We still had to deal with residual behaviors like Severn calling Miranda names when we weren't around to build himself up, etc, etc. But once we drilled into him that all he's doing is tearing her down and we are in charge of building her up, he started to treat her with more respect. That was a trait learned from other children because I like to think we are pretty respectful in our household.
I'm not going to say instructing my own children has been easy either. As I mentioned earlier, we are conditioned to the public school system. Thus, I get really frustrated when it's time for them to wake up and get started for the day and they feel no sense of urgency. And adding Bailey's to my coffee every morning to alleviate my frustrations wasn't going to be a solution.
I imagine that as we move into our second year of homeschooling we will see even more growth. Their test scores still prove they are learning. And there is a sense of excitement. AND, my coffee is just coffee.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Making it Work
Being a full time wife and mother is not an easy task. I have so many friends that work full time outside the home and always tell me, "I don't know how you do it, I'd go crazy" or "I'd end up in prison because I'd kill someone." (That second statement came from one of my dear New Yorker friends...so brutally honest, but refreshing.)
When I worked full time, I felt like nothing was ever 100% done. It was as if I were a pie and a third of me went to household chores, a third of me focused on full time work, and a third of me had to be shared by Mike and the kids - guess that's a sixth, but I'm no math major. It was a lose-lose situation. I wasn't the top salesperson at work because I was concerned about Christian and which college he was going to attend. I was angry that Severn was dealing with bullying at the middle school. I wasn't preparing the most nutricious meals at home...PB & J and grilled cheese were staples in our home last year, in fact not prepared by me at all, but by Miranda.
This is what I decided to change by working my business out of my home this past year. I have dedicated days to making phone calls and mornings are dedicated to emails. While my business is still growing, I wanted to conserve cash flow, so I clip coupons on Sundays and compare ads. I plan out my week so unnecessary driving has been cut down. We eat at home pretty much everyday, so those fast food runs are few and far between.
I wanted to build my relationship with Michael so that we can celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary and our children and grandchildren will say, "That's what I want!" Basically, I changed how I look at him. I see this most amazing man who makes me laugh. Sometimes, he says things that don't make me laugh, but make me feel like I've just been tickled -have you ever felt like that? We talk about EVERYTHING - even if it's trivial. For example, yesterday the topics were, How do you Discipline your Daughter when She's a Teenager? and I Know who Would have My Back in a Fight even at this Age (Chris and Darren, here's to you!)
And I am now probably the most consistent mom you'll meet when it comes to my kids. Christian gets to talk with me several times a week. I am putting the finishing touches on my masterpiece, this beautiful person that we were blessed to raise, by building him up to be a man of integrity and honor. I encourage Severn and Miranda to make wise choices in food daily. And personal hygiene. And being a good friend. And learning something new everyday.
How does my pie look now? It's still in thirds, but routine and consistency have brought it all together. I thank God everyday that He has given me this opportunity to do what I am best at. Being a wife, a mother, and business owner - and having the enthusiasm to do it all well!!
When I worked full time, I felt like nothing was ever 100% done. It was as if I were a pie and a third of me went to household chores, a third of me focused on full time work, and a third of me had to be shared by Mike and the kids - guess that's a sixth, but I'm no math major. It was a lose-lose situation. I wasn't the top salesperson at work because I was concerned about Christian and which college he was going to attend. I was angry that Severn was dealing with bullying at the middle school. I wasn't preparing the most nutricious meals at home...PB & J and grilled cheese were staples in our home last year, in fact not prepared by me at all, but by Miranda.
This is what I decided to change by working my business out of my home this past year. I have dedicated days to making phone calls and mornings are dedicated to emails. While my business is still growing, I wanted to conserve cash flow, so I clip coupons on Sundays and compare ads. I plan out my week so unnecessary driving has been cut down. We eat at home pretty much everyday, so those fast food runs are few and far between.
I wanted to build my relationship with Michael so that we can celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary and our children and grandchildren will say, "That's what I want!" Basically, I changed how I look at him. I see this most amazing man who makes me laugh. Sometimes, he says things that don't make me laugh, but make me feel like I've just been tickled -have you ever felt like that? We talk about EVERYTHING - even if it's trivial. For example, yesterday the topics were, How do you Discipline your Daughter when She's a Teenager? and I Know who Would have My Back in a Fight even at this Age (Chris and Darren, here's to you!)
And I am now probably the most consistent mom you'll meet when it comes to my kids. Christian gets to talk with me several times a week. I am putting the finishing touches on my masterpiece, this beautiful person that we were blessed to raise, by building him up to be a man of integrity and honor. I encourage Severn and Miranda to make wise choices in food daily. And personal hygiene. And being a good friend. And learning something new everyday.
How does my pie look now? It's still in thirds, but routine and consistency have brought it all together. I thank God everyday that He has given me this opportunity to do what I am best at. Being a wife, a mother, and business owner - and having the enthusiasm to do it all well!!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Celebrating Dad
Even though I know it's Father's Day and it's the day we say, "Here's to you, Dad!" - the heart of the matter is this - we learned alot more from our daddies than we care to admit. I know every generation does the best that they can with the resources given to them (blah, blah, blah), but do you know what I've got to say about that? "Horse Hockey!!" It is all based on the individual and the decisions that they made, PERIOD.
I won't name names or point fingers, but here are a few ways that some dads made their daughters feel their worth. Father #1 offered to purchase breast implants for his 17 year old daughter in order to raise her self esteem. Father #2 told his wife that she turned the kids into hypochondriacs. Wife had to leave said Father #2 in order to get her 14 year old daughter the necessary surgery for her severe scoliosis. Father #3 liked to sit in the bathroom while his teenage daughters showered. I like Father #3 best, don't you? Sick bastard.
But then, Oh, BUT THEN - you have the most amazing fathers on the planet. They take their daughters hiking to explore ponds and old forgotten wells. They talk in crazy Scottish accents just to make their kids laugh. They go to work everyday - without calling in sick - to provide shelter and food for the ones that they love best. They come home every night, even when they know that they are walking into Dante's Inferno because the kids have been bickering all day and the darn cat is peeing all over the place because she's too old to make it to the litter box. They run to Walgreens (and take the kids) to buy Mommy maxi pads and ice cream...just because.
The languages of love are ancient when it comes to Man and his child. Even though Man's body grows old, the beauty and youth of their children proves that immortality does exist. Even the freaks mentioned above "loved" their children - Father #1 honestly thought it would help his daughter out and couldn't understand her anger at him. Father #2 probably suppressed the thoughts that his daughter was in need of surgery because it tore him up that his baby girl was going to go through excruciating surgery and rehabilitation. Father #3, the sick bastard, loved all of his daughters, granddaughters, nieces, etc. just SO much that he needed them to see and feel that love....yeah - there's probably another blog coming about that. Yes, he is a relation and no, don't even THINK that he is my dad. (My dad is covered in paragraph 3; you'll find him under the most amazing dads on the planet.)
Happy Father's Day to all the amazing dads on the planet!!
(Top photo: Four generations of firstborns, bottom photo: My amazing hubby with our boys)
I won't name names or point fingers, but here are a few ways that some dads made their daughters feel their worth. Father #1 offered to purchase breast implants for his 17 year old daughter in order to raise her self esteem. Father #2 told his wife that she turned the kids into hypochondriacs. Wife had to leave said Father #2 in order to get her 14 year old daughter the necessary surgery for her severe scoliosis. Father #3 liked to sit in the bathroom while his teenage daughters showered. I like Father #3 best, don't you? Sick bastard.
But then, Oh, BUT THEN - you have the most amazing fathers on the planet. They take their daughters hiking to explore ponds and old forgotten wells. They talk in crazy Scottish accents just to make their kids laugh. They go to work everyday - without calling in sick - to provide shelter and food for the ones that they love best. They come home every night, even when they know that they are walking into Dante's Inferno because the kids have been bickering all day and the darn cat is peeing all over the place because she's too old to make it to the litter box. They run to Walgreens (and take the kids) to buy Mommy maxi pads and ice cream...just because.
The languages of love are ancient when it comes to Man and his child. Even though Man's body grows old, the beauty and youth of their children proves that immortality does exist. Even the freaks mentioned above "loved" their children - Father #1 honestly thought it would help his daughter out and couldn't understand her anger at him. Father #2 probably suppressed the thoughts that his daughter was in need of surgery because it tore him up that his baby girl was going to go through excruciating surgery and rehabilitation. Father #3, the sick bastard, loved all of his daughters, granddaughters, nieces, etc. just SO much that he needed them to see and feel that love....yeah - there's probably another blog coming about that. Yes, he is a relation and no, don't even THINK that he is my dad. (My dad is covered in paragraph 3; you'll find him under the most amazing dads on the planet.)
Happy Father's Day to all the amazing dads on the planet!!
(Top photo: Four generations of firstborns, bottom photo: My amazing hubby with our boys)
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Happy Anniversary!!
Mike and I are celebrating our 16th wedding anniversary today. However, unlike most people, we don't say 16 years married and 24 years together. We just say we've known each other forever. While our life together didn't begin until June 16, 1995, that was the day that two souls became one - AGAIN.
I've known Mike alot longer than just 24 years. While our Judeo-Christian doctrine may frown upon the suggestion of reincarnation, it's not just mere coincidence that when you meet that special someone your breath is taken away. This is the man in whose eyes I can see forever. This is the man who I can see myself in.
Sure, we are struggling through day to day life together raising children and paying bills. We've supported each other through career changes, college, and job loss (or jobs not quite found.) We've coped with the loss of loved ones and watched our children struggle to find themselves. We've watched friends and family divorce - and we pull into ourselves to overcome that sense of betrayal and loss. We've eaten good food, watched great movies, and seen some amazing sights in this world. Some as breathtaking as the waterfalls in Hawaii and others as heart wrenching as our beautiful daughter taking her first breath.
Through it all, we love each other in a way that is timeless. We know what the other is thinking, we say the same thing at the same time...sometimes we even weird ourselves out when we do that. But whether I talk too much (family trait) or get food on my face (personal trait) - this man continues to look at me with the same smile, through the same eyes, year after year.
Happy anniversary, Michael!
I've known Mike alot longer than just 24 years. While our Judeo-Christian doctrine may frown upon the suggestion of reincarnation, it's not just mere coincidence that when you meet that special someone your breath is taken away. This is the man in whose eyes I can see forever. This is the man who I can see myself in.
Sure, we are struggling through day to day life together raising children and paying bills. We've supported each other through career changes, college, and job loss (or jobs not quite found.) We've coped with the loss of loved ones and watched our children struggle to find themselves. We've watched friends and family divorce - and we pull into ourselves to overcome that sense of betrayal and loss. We've eaten good food, watched great movies, and seen some amazing sights in this world. Some as breathtaking as the waterfalls in Hawaii and others as heart wrenching as our beautiful daughter taking her first breath.
Through it all, we love each other in a way that is timeless. We know what the other is thinking, we say the same thing at the same time...sometimes we even weird ourselves out when we do that. But whether I talk too much (family trait) or get food on my face (personal trait) - this man continues to look at me with the same smile, through the same eyes, year after year.
Happy anniversary, Michael!
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