Looks can be Deceiving

  I had a great jewelry show down in Corpus Christi this past weekend and got to hang out with Teresa for an overnight.  She shared pictures and stories of her recent trip to China, Thailand, and India.  We laughed, listened to music, and surfed eBay just for the heck of it.  Big change from what we would have done twenty years ago, but HEY!  We had to grow up sometime!!

My flight schedule heading home on Sunday was going to take me from Corpus to Houston, then onto Baltimore, then Detroit.  The Houston flight wasn't full, but I chose a seat near an older gentleman wearing a Vietnam vet ball cap.  He seemed a little startled when I sat down next to him, but I offered a cordial, "Good morning."  A bright smile lit up his face.  I asked if he minded having a cup of coffee with me and he chuckled!  He was dressed in a t shirt that had probably seen better days.  His skin was darker than charcoal and he had a musical quality to his voice that had me wondering about his origins.

His paper was open to the section on world events covering the threats coming from North Korea.  Something made him confide that he was a recovering alcoholic.  It struck me that recovering alcoholics are always the most candid individuals.  I guess that comes from years of hiding or lying about their addiction.  He proceeded to tell me the most incredible stories of his life.  His story only confirmed what I have come to realize within the last few years.  There are no coincidences in our life and this was no exception.

Mr. Smith came from a Jamaican father and a West Indies mother.  They married during World War II and after his father was discharged from the military, they moved to Pennsylvania .  His mom spoke fluent French and Spanish.  His brother suffered from polio as a child and was crippled.  But his mother, who also worked full time, decided to home school his brother because it was recommended to the family that he be sent to the state school.  Mr. Smith said his mother was stubborn and refused to accept that his brother couldn't received a solid education like the rest of her children. (His brother received a college diploma and was a successful engineer and has since retired.)

Mr. Smith was drafted during the Vietnam war and served his time working near the North Korean/South Korean border.  He said he would share his rations with the North Korean soldier knowing that either could be executed at anytime for communicating - that's how close he was!  He did his four years and wandered aimlessly for a bit, but once his aptitude for languages was discovered, he was sent to the Monterrey Language Institute after he reenlisted...in 1972. (I told him that was a VERY good year!!  He agreed.)  There he did 12-14 hour days studying Farsi, Hindi, and a few others.

And his world opened up!!

A few of his most notable acts were shaking Nelson Mandela's hand while working in South Africa and meeting a most humble Saudi Prince - which he said didn't happen very often.  But his most touching act was the fact that he and his wife adopted a troubled teenage girl who had bounced around the system until she was sixteen.  She has since gone on to college and married.

Towards the end of our conversation, I asked him, "Have you found your peace?"  He looked me directly in the eye and said, "I have."  He encouraged me, "If you do anything for your children, have them learn something about all world religions." He said that it helped him to be welcomed into each culture he visited.

I exited the plane with a happy heart and grateful spirit.  Who would have thought that my companion for a thirty minute flight would have such a rich history to share?  I could have very easily disregarded him because of his appearance and buried myself in my ever present, ever changing array of novels, but with the gentle nudging of the spirit,  I found my own gift of peace.

Homeschooling - To do or Not to do?

It's been a full year since Mike and I made the decision to home school and I've got to say that I'm still not completely sold on the idea.  We made this decision a little late in the game - one graduated from public school, one went through 8th grade and the other through 5th grade.  I guess you can say that our family is conditioned for public school and the rituals and routines that go along with it. We loved the football games with halftime performances. Oh, and the anticipation for any holiday or 3 day weekend....we could sleep in!!

But when we started to dissect HOW the kids were learning and WHAT they were learning - that was what led us to consider homeschooling in the first place.  The biggest problem was that Severn was spending most of his days in the Principal's office - not because he was in trouble - but always for some injustice done to him.  Some were too trivial to mention, but others were valid, HUGE problems that no parent ever wants to deal with.  The bullying, the disrespectful punks who wouldn't allow teachers to do their job, and let's face it, the teachers that didn't want to do their jobs didn't invite a love of learning.

Mike and I really hesitated when it came to Miranda because she did quite well in public school.  She loves to learn, loves to socialize, and basically thrives in the public school setting.  But the girls were starting to get catty...the name calling was beginning...why is it that the first thing children learn how to insult in today's society is sexuality?  Well, shoot - hang on a sec...I think we did the same thing in elementary and middle school.  Sigh...but I think the term "gay" was really all that we used. 

But I digress...

The girls were now dating or "going out" with boys, wearing make up, and super tight jeans.  The simplicity of Childhood was basically drop kicked out the window.  There were more days than I can count that I had to send Miranda into school crying because she couldn't get a grasp on those crazy emotions - OR that she couldn't tell me what was wrong.  And that is no way for anyone to start their day.

So they were learning - their test scores always proved that, but at what cost?  Is their sense of self worth really something to sacrifice?  And what other self destructive patterns would have been in their future?

The first thing that Mike and I noticed after we moved to NY and began homeschooling instruction was that Severn could walk by a group of boys without worrying about being messed with.  Miranda stopped biting her nails.  The anger that Severn had always carried around slowly began to melt away. (We thought this was just his personality.)  We still had to deal with residual behaviors like Severn calling Miranda names when we weren't around to build himself up, etc, etc.  But once we drilled into him that all he's doing is tearing her down and we are in charge of building her up, he started to treat her with more respect.  That was a trait learned from other children because I like to think we are pretty respectful in our household.

I'm not going to say instructing my own children has been easy either.  As I mentioned earlier, we are conditioned to the public school system.  Thus, I get really frustrated when it's time for them to wake up and get started for the day and they feel no sense of urgency.  And adding Bailey's to my coffee every morning to alleviate my frustrations wasn't going to be a solution.

I imagine that as we move into our second year of homeschooling we will see even more growth. Their test scores still prove they are learning. And there is a sense of excitement.  AND, my coffee is just coffee.