It's been a full year since Mike and I made the decision to home school and I've got to say that I'm still not completely sold on the idea. We made this decision a little late in the game - one graduated from public school, one went through 8th grade and the other through 5th grade. I guess you can say that our family is conditioned for public school and the rituals and routines that go along with it. We loved the football games with halftime performances. Oh, and the anticipation for any holiday or 3 day weekend....we could sleep in!!
But when we started to dissect HOW the kids were learning and WHAT they were learning - that was what led us to consider homeschooling in the first place. The biggest problem was that Severn was spending most of his days in the Principal's office - not because he was in trouble - but always for some injustice done to him. Some were too trivial to mention, but others were valid, HUGE problems that no parent ever wants to deal with. The bullying, the disrespectful punks who wouldn't allow teachers to do their job, and let's face it, the teachers that didn't want to do their jobs didn't invite a love of learning.
Mike and I really hesitated when it came to Miranda because she did quite well in public school. She loves to learn, loves to socialize, and basically thrives in the public school setting. But the girls were starting to get catty...the name calling was beginning...why is it that the first thing children learn how to insult in today's society is sexuality? Well, shoot - hang on a sec...I think we did the same thing in elementary and middle school. Sigh...but I think the term "gay" was really all that we used.
But I digress...
The girls were now dating or "going out" with boys, wearing make up, and super tight jeans. The simplicity of Childhood was basically drop kicked out the window. There were more days than I can count that I had to send Miranda into school crying because she couldn't get a grasp on those crazy emotions - OR that she couldn't tell me what was wrong. And that is no way for anyone to start their day.
So they were learning - their test scores always proved that, but at what cost? Is their sense of self worth really something to sacrifice? And what other self destructive patterns would have been in their future?
The first thing that Mike and I noticed after we moved to NY and began homeschooling instruction was that Severn could walk by a group of boys without worrying about being messed with. Miranda stopped biting her nails. The anger that Severn had always carried around slowly began to melt away. (We thought this was just his personality.) We still had to deal with residual behaviors like Severn calling Miranda names when we weren't around to build himself up, etc, etc. But once we drilled into him that all he's doing is tearing her down and we are in charge of building her up, he started to treat her with more respect. That was a trait learned from other children because I like to think we are pretty respectful in our household.
I'm not going to say instructing my own children has been easy either. As I mentioned earlier, we are conditioned to the public school system. Thus, I get really frustrated when it's time for them to wake up and get started for the day and they feel no sense of urgency. And adding Bailey's to my coffee every morning to alleviate my frustrations wasn't going to be a solution.
I imagine that as we move into our second year of homeschooling we will see even more growth. Their test scores still prove they are learning. And there is a sense of excitement. AND, my coffee is just coffee.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Making it Work
Being a full time wife and mother is not an easy task. I have so many friends that work full time outside the home and always tell me, "I don't know how you do it, I'd go crazy" or "I'd end up in prison because I'd kill someone." (That second statement came from one of my dear New Yorker friends...so brutally honest, but refreshing.)
When I worked full time, I felt like nothing was ever 100% done. It was as if I were a pie and a third of me went to household chores, a third of me focused on full time work, and a third of me had to be shared by Mike and the kids - guess that's a sixth, but I'm no math major. It was a lose-lose situation. I wasn't the top salesperson at work because I was concerned about Christian and which college he was going to attend. I was angry that Severn was dealing with bullying at the middle school. I wasn't preparing the most nutricious meals at home...PB & J and grilled cheese were staples in our home last year, in fact not prepared by me at all, but by Miranda.
This is what I decided to change by working my business out of my home this past year. I have dedicated days to making phone calls and mornings are dedicated to emails. While my business is still growing, I wanted to conserve cash flow, so I clip coupons on Sundays and compare ads. I plan out my week so unnecessary driving has been cut down. We eat at home pretty much everyday, so those fast food runs are few and far between.
I wanted to build my relationship with Michael so that we can celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary and our children and grandchildren will say, "That's what I want!" Basically, I changed how I look at him. I see this most amazing man who makes me laugh. Sometimes, he says things that don't make me laugh, but make me feel like I've just been tickled -have you ever felt like that? We talk about EVERYTHING - even if it's trivial. For example, yesterday the topics were, How do you Discipline your Daughter when She's a Teenager? and I Know who Would have My Back in a Fight even at this Age (Chris and Darren, here's to you!)
And I am now probably the most consistent mom you'll meet when it comes to my kids. Christian gets to talk with me several times a week. I am putting the finishing touches on my masterpiece, this beautiful person that we were blessed to raise, by building him up to be a man of integrity and honor. I encourage Severn and Miranda to make wise choices in food daily. And personal hygiene. And being a good friend. And learning something new everyday.
How does my pie look now? It's still in thirds, but routine and consistency have brought it all together. I thank God everyday that He has given me this opportunity to do what I am best at. Being a wife, a mother, and business owner - and having the enthusiasm to do it all well!!
When I worked full time, I felt like nothing was ever 100% done. It was as if I were a pie and a third of me went to household chores, a third of me focused on full time work, and a third of me had to be shared by Mike and the kids - guess that's a sixth, but I'm no math major. It was a lose-lose situation. I wasn't the top salesperson at work because I was concerned about Christian and which college he was going to attend. I was angry that Severn was dealing with bullying at the middle school. I wasn't preparing the most nutricious meals at home...PB & J and grilled cheese were staples in our home last year, in fact not prepared by me at all, but by Miranda.
This is what I decided to change by working my business out of my home this past year. I have dedicated days to making phone calls and mornings are dedicated to emails. While my business is still growing, I wanted to conserve cash flow, so I clip coupons on Sundays and compare ads. I plan out my week so unnecessary driving has been cut down. We eat at home pretty much everyday, so those fast food runs are few and far between.
I wanted to build my relationship with Michael so that we can celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary and our children and grandchildren will say, "That's what I want!" Basically, I changed how I look at him. I see this most amazing man who makes me laugh. Sometimes, he says things that don't make me laugh, but make me feel like I've just been tickled -have you ever felt like that? We talk about EVERYTHING - even if it's trivial. For example, yesterday the topics were, How do you Discipline your Daughter when She's a Teenager? and I Know who Would have My Back in a Fight even at this Age (Chris and Darren, here's to you!)
And I am now probably the most consistent mom you'll meet when it comes to my kids. Christian gets to talk with me several times a week. I am putting the finishing touches on my masterpiece, this beautiful person that we were blessed to raise, by building him up to be a man of integrity and honor. I encourage Severn and Miranda to make wise choices in food daily. And personal hygiene. And being a good friend. And learning something new everyday.
How does my pie look now? It's still in thirds, but routine and consistency have brought it all together. I thank God everyday that He has given me this opportunity to do what I am best at. Being a wife, a mother, and business owner - and having the enthusiasm to do it all well!!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Celebrating Dad
Even though I know it's Father's Day and it's the day we say, "Here's to you, Dad!" - the heart of the matter is this - we learned alot more from our daddies than we care to admit. I know every generation does the best that they can with the resources given to them (blah, blah, blah), but do you know what I've got to say about that? "Horse Hockey!!" It is all based on the individual and the decisions that they made, PERIOD.
I won't name names or point fingers, but here are a few ways that some dads made their daughters feel their worth. Father #1 offered to purchase breast implants for his 17 year old daughter in order to raise her self esteem. Father #2 told his wife that she turned the kids into hypochondriacs. Wife had to leave said Father #2 in order to get her 14 year old daughter the necessary surgery for her severe scoliosis. Father #3 liked to sit in the bathroom while his teenage daughters showered. I like Father #3 best, don't you? Sick bastard.
But then, Oh, BUT THEN - you have the most amazing fathers on the planet. They take their daughters hiking to explore ponds and old forgotten wells. They talk in crazy Scottish accents just to make their kids laugh. They go to work everyday - without calling in sick - to provide shelter and food for the ones that they love best. They come home every night, even when they know that they are walking into Dante's Inferno because the kids have been bickering all day and the darn cat is peeing all over the place because she's too old to make it to the litter box. They run to Walgreens (and take the kids) to buy Mommy maxi pads and ice cream...just because.
The languages of love are ancient when it comes to Man and his child. Even though Man's body grows old, the beauty and youth of their children proves that immortality does exist. Even the freaks mentioned above "loved" their children - Father #1 honestly thought it would help his daughter out and couldn't understand her anger at him. Father #2 probably suppressed the thoughts that his daughter was in need of surgery because it tore him up that his baby girl was going to go through excruciating surgery and rehabilitation. Father #3, the sick bastard, loved all of his daughters, granddaughters, nieces, etc. just SO much that he needed them to see and feel that love....yeah - there's probably another blog coming about that. Yes, he is a relation and no, don't even THINK that he is my dad. (My dad is covered in paragraph 3; you'll find him under the most amazing dads on the planet.)
Happy Father's Day to all the amazing dads on the planet!!
(Top photo: Four generations of firstborns, bottom photo: My amazing hubby with our boys)
I won't name names or point fingers, but here are a few ways that some dads made their daughters feel their worth. Father #1 offered to purchase breast implants for his 17 year old daughter in order to raise her self esteem. Father #2 told his wife that she turned the kids into hypochondriacs. Wife had to leave said Father #2 in order to get her 14 year old daughter the necessary surgery for her severe scoliosis. Father #3 liked to sit in the bathroom while his teenage daughters showered. I like Father #3 best, don't you? Sick bastard.
But then, Oh, BUT THEN - you have the most amazing fathers on the planet. They take their daughters hiking to explore ponds and old forgotten wells. They talk in crazy Scottish accents just to make their kids laugh. They go to work everyday - without calling in sick - to provide shelter and food for the ones that they love best. They come home every night, even when they know that they are walking into Dante's Inferno because the kids have been bickering all day and the darn cat is peeing all over the place because she's too old to make it to the litter box. They run to Walgreens (and take the kids) to buy Mommy maxi pads and ice cream...just because.
The languages of love are ancient when it comes to Man and his child. Even though Man's body grows old, the beauty and youth of their children proves that immortality does exist. Even the freaks mentioned above "loved" their children - Father #1 honestly thought it would help his daughter out and couldn't understand her anger at him. Father #2 probably suppressed the thoughts that his daughter was in need of surgery because it tore him up that his baby girl was going to go through excruciating surgery and rehabilitation. Father #3, the sick bastard, loved all of his daughters, granddaughters, nieces, etc. just SO much that he needed them to see and feel that love....yeah - there's probably another blog coming about that. Yes, he is a relation and no, don't even THINK that he is my dad. (My dad is covered in paragraph 3; you'll find him under the most amazing dads on the planet.)
Happy Father's Day to all the amazing dads on the planet!!
(Top photo: Four generations of firstborns, bottom photo: My amazing hubby with our boys)
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Happy Anniversary!!
Mike and I are celebrating our 16th wedding anniversary today. However, unlike most people, we don't say 16 years married and 24 years together. We just say we've known each other forever. While our life together didn't begin until June 16, 1995, that was the day that two souls became one - AGAIN.
I've known Mike alot longer than just 24 years. While our Judeo-Christian doctrine may frown upon the suggestion of reincarnation, it's not just mere coincidence that when you meet that special someone your breath is taken away. This is the man in whose eyes I can see forever. This is the man who I can see myself in.
Sure, we are struggling through day to day life together raising children and paying bills. We've supported each other through career changes, college, and job loss (or jobs not quite found.) We've coped with the loss of loved ones and watched our children struggle to find themselves. We've watched friends and family divorce - and we pull into ourselves to overcome that sense of betrayal and loss. We've eaten good food, watched great movies, and seen some amazing sights in this world. Some as breathtaking as the waterfalls in Hawaii and others as heart wrenching as our beautiful daughter taking her first breath.
Through it all, we love each other in a way that is timeless. We know what the other is thinking, we say the same thing at the same time...sometimes we even weird ourselves out when we do that. But whether I talk too much (family trait) or get food on my face (personal trait) - this man continues to look at me with the same smile, through the same eyes, year after year.
Happy anniversary, Michael!
I've known Mike alot longer than just 24 years. While our Judeo-Christian doctrine may frown upon the suggestion of reincarnation, it's not just mere coincidence that when you meet that special someone your breath is taken away. This is the man in whose eyes I can see forever. This is the man who I can see myself in.
Sure, we are struggling through day to day life together raising children and paying bills. We've supported each other through career changes, college, and job loss (or jobs not quite found.) We've coped with the loss of loved ones and watched our children struggle to find themselves. We've watched friends and family divorce - and we pull into ourselves to overcome that sense of betrayal and loss. We've eaten good food, watched great movies, and seen some amazing sights in this world. Some as breathtaking as the waterfalls in Hawaii and others as heart wrenching as our beautiful daughter taking her first breath.
Through it all, we love each other in a way that is timeless. We know what the other is thinking, we say the same thing at the same time...sometimes we even weird ourselves out when we do that. But whether I talk too much (family trait) or get food on my face (personal trait) - this man continues to look at me with the same smile, through the same eyes, year after year.
Happy anniversary, Michael!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
My Role is Evolving
Here I am, almost 11 o'clock at night, and I am up because the tears that chose not to fall this past week decided to make an appearnace tonight. Mike asked me what was wrong...mind you, we are in bed already when the tears appeared. They don't have any sense of time, I guess. So I was able to communicate honestly to Mike, "I don't cry in public..."
I cant' give him an honest answer of "What's wrong." I'm sad because my grandpa died - that's the most obvious. I'm tired - it's been a long day and rest isn't my best friend right now.
I guess what's wrong is a thought that has been lingering in the back of my mind. It haunts my days and lends to sleepless nights. It is the fact that my role as wife and mother are evolving. I'm unsure of which direction I need to go in next. This has been coming for a while now. I mean, my kids aren't the sweet little babies that need mommy all the time now. So I'm looking for purpose and trying to determine what God has in store for me. Like everyone else on the planet, I'm looking for signs everywhere!
I didn't take too many psychology courses in college so I can't state for fact that I am feeling the way I do because my original role was as a mother. I graduated from high school, started college with no clear direction and POOF! I was a mom at 19. Did this hard wire me differently than my friends and family that had children later in life or not at all?
My role was clear when the children were younger. It was pure surviaval!! My yesterdays are still as crystal clear now as they were then...even more so clear than the now. I woke up and made breakfast for everyone. Sometimes lunch depending on if the baby slept through the night. I walked Christian to school, pushing Sev and Mrianda in the double stroller. We'd come home so they could play while I tidied up breakfast dishes and made beds. Once a week, we would go downtown to meet my Grandma Farley at McDonalds' for a playdate. (Grandma Farley is legally blind now.) Once that was done and we played for a while, it was nap time. I was GOOD at nap time!! We'd wake just in time to walk back to the school to pick up Christian or meet him halfway. Time for snacks and homework while getting dinner started. Oh look! Here comes Daddy! Mike would occupy the kids while I got dinner on the table and we shared a healthy, if not totally calm dinner with an 8, 4, and 2 year old in our midst. Dishes would wait as we got the kids bathed for the evening. Storytime has and always will be a huge role in our family. In fact, I didn't want to share with Severn that Mom reading stories at night was something that maybe shouldn't be done...say, at the age of 14! But where was I? So, bath was done, stories were read, prayers were said ...and Mommy and Daddy had time together to visit and just absorb one another's presence.
Fast forward ten years...Christian lives in Maryland, Severn hangs up on me because of his ADHD (processing isn't quite there), and Miranda makes witty banter about my bedroom being off limits!! So where does that leave me??!! I'm still Mike's wife, I'm still a child of God and I'm still a Mother. But that role of Mother changes every flipping time you think you've got it figured out!!
I cant' give him an honest answer of "What's wrong." I'm sad because my grandpa died - that's the most obvious. I'm tired - it's been a long day and rest isn't my best friend right now.
I guess what's wrong is a thought that has been lingering in the back of my mind. It haunts my days and lends to sleepless nights. It is the fact that my role as wife and mother are evolving. I'm unsure of which direction I need to go in next. This has been coming for a while now. I mean, my kids aren't the sweet little babies that need mommy all the time now. So I'm looking for purpose and trying to determine what God has in store for me. Like everyone else on the planet, I'm looking for signs everywhere!
I didn't take too many psychology courses in college so I can't state for fact that I am feeling the way I do because my original role was as a mother. I graduated from high school, started college with no clear direction and POOF! I was a mom at 19. Did this hard wire me differently than my friends and family that had children later in life or not at all?
My role was clear when the children were younger. It was pure surviaval!! My yesterdays are still as crystal clear now as they were then...even more so clear than the now. I woke up and made breakfast for everyone. Sometimes lunch depending on if the baby slept through the night. I walked Christian to school, pushing Sev and Mrianda in the double stroller. We'd come home so they could play while I tidied up breakfast dishes and made beds. Once a week, we would go downtown to meet my Grandma Farley at McDonalds' for a playdate. (Grandma Farley is legally blind now.) Once that was done and we played for a while, it was nap time. I was GOOD at nap time!! We'd wake just in time to walk back to the school to pick up Christian or meet him halfway. Time for snacks and homework while getting dinner started. Oh look! Here comes Daddy! Mike would occupy the kids while I got dinner on the table and we shared a healthy, if not totally calm dinner with an 8, 4, and 2 year old in our midst. Dishes would wait as we got the kids bathed for the evening. Storytime has and always will be a huge role in our family. In fact, I didn't want to share with Severn that Mom reading stories at night was something that maybe shouldn't be done...say, at the age of 14! But where was I? So, bath was done, stories were read, prayers were said ...and Mommy and Daddy had time together to visit and just absorb one another's presence.
Fast forward ten years...Christian lives in Maryland, Severn hangs up on me because of his ADHD (processing isn't quite there), and Miranda makes witty banter about my bedroom being off limits!! So where does that leave me??!! I'm still Mike's wife, I'm still a child of God and I'm still a Mother. But that role of Mother changes every flipping time you think you've got it figured out!!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Time for a Life Evaluation
This last year has been one of MANY changes. I don't like to complain...really...but I'm surprised that anyone can go through so many changes and come out sober! The most notable were Mike's job loss, our oldest son, Christian, graduating from high school, leaving our home of FOREVER and moving halfway across the US for a job...then turning around and moving AGAIN halfway back!!Some of the smaller changes...(YET HUGE IN MY EYES) are we are now homeschooling our younger two...and believe me...we are all conditioned for public school!
I can't say that I've really cried about the changes. Okay, let me rephrase that. I cried ALOT right before Christian graduated. From Mother's Day 2010 until he crossed that stage in June, I would cry if you said BOO. But after he graduated...I felt as if I were just going through the motions. And then, the move...I have to say that the thought of leaving Texas for New York was quite appealing to my sense of adventure. I couldn't wait to experience a NY Winter! And the smaller shops (as opposed to the gigantic one stop shopping...cough, cough...Walmart)! I started being referred to as, "Hey, you're the one from Texas, right?
Then reality set in. We didn't get to see Christian everyday as we had left him back in Texas in charge of the house (that is another post altogether!) Severn and Miranda began to miss their friends, who in turn showed their true colors...as did mine. You always find out who your TRUE friends are when you move. And then the snow came - again and again and again. Lord, I think that it was still snowing when we left in April.
I can't pinpoint how to identify the feelings that came with all of that. I'm not sure if I would even call it depression. Yeah, and for those of you suffering from that rotten sneaky...(well, you get my drift) depressed people can't laugh, can they? It was more of an "I don't know how I'm going to feel today, so I'm not going to plan anything" kinda feeling. The days that we did have something planned, my energy level was electric!! On the off days, I was more or less a listless, dragging blob slightly resembling a human. And here I am, the supposed "Heart" of my family...I didn't even know if I had one anymore.
Yet here we are, a full year later and my grandfather passed away a week ago. We all rushed to Omaha so we could be together as a family. I have to share that the laughter was intense. It was almost as if we laughed hard enough, we could deny that grief lurking around the edges. At times, the lines were blurred and emotions were running high, but we were ALIVE!!
And that is what I am slowly coming to understand. My life needed a definable moment. I couldn't find it in a new state, a new pair of shoes or even in my family. It was a new state of mind and one of the last things my Grandpa did was give me life back.
Rest in Peace ~ Howard A. Most ~ January 2, 1928 - May 30, 2011
I can't say that I've really cried about the changes. Okay, let me rephrase that. I cried ALOT right before Christian graduated. From Mother's Day 2010 until he crossed that stage in June, I would cry if you said BOO. But after he graduated...I felt as if I were just going through the motions. And then, the move...I have to say that the thought of leaving Texas for New York was quite appealing to my sense of adventure. I couldn't wait to experience a NY Winter! And the smaller shops (as opposed to the gigantic one stop shopping...cough, cough...Walmart)! I started being referred to as, "Hey, you're the one from Texas, right?
Then reality set in. We didn't get to see Christian everyday as we had left him back in Texas in charge of the house (that is another post altogether!) Severn and Miranda began to miss their friends, who in turn showed their true colors...as did mine. You always find out who your TRUE friends are when you move. And then the snow came - again and again and again. Lord, I think that it was still snowing when we left in April.
I can't pinpoint how to identify the feelings that came with all of that. I'm not sure if I would even call it depression. Yeah, and for those of you suffering from that rotten sneaky...(well, you get my drift) depressed people can't laugh, can they? It was more of an "I don't know how I'm going to feel today, so I'm not going to plan anything" kinda feeling. The days that we did have something planned, my energy level was electric!! On the off days, I was more or less a listless, dragging blob slightly resembling a human. And here I am, the supposed "Heart" of my family...I didn't even know if I had one anymore.
Yet here we are, a full year later and my grandfather passed away a week ago. We all rushed to Omaha so we could be together as a family. I have to share that the laughter was intense. It was almost as if we laughed hard enough, we could deny that grief lurking around the edges. At times, the lines were blurred and emotions were running high, but we were ALIVE!!
And that is what I am slowly coming to understand. My life needed a definable moment. I couldn't find it in a new state, a new pair of shoes or even in my family. It was a new state of mind and one of the last things my Grandpa did was give me life back.
Rest in Peace ~ Howard A. Most ~ January 2, 1928 - May 30, 2011
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