I am in a position to say that I am happier today than I have been in a long time. This isn't a statement that I make lightly either. I've got ALL of my children under my roof tonight, we ate a delicious dish of chicken and chili on tortillas that I prepared over a week ago (Love my freezer meals!!), and we are going to spend tomorrow morning at Long Hunter State Park assisting with a conservation effort. Am I a blessed girl or what?!
I couldn't help but think tonight as I was on the way to pick up Christian from the airport that I couldn't be happier. I am so full of joy that some days I just cry. Nothing substantial, mind you, it's just the tears come unexpectedly. A sweet call from a friend, a kind word from a stranger, or a long look from Mike that just makes me realize that even though we've been married for as long as we have he still sees my heart.
And then sometimes I have those thoughts that sneak in before I know what hits me. The ones that whisper, "This won't last long," or "nothing this good lasts forever." I've had to get REALLY good at pushing them aside. I KNOW THAT! I know that things happen. Parents get older, children get sick, homes are lost in a blink of an eye...God, don't I know anything can happen!!
I'm going to ask that my friends and family join me in seeing the beauty around them. Look at your children, for heaven's sake, and truly see the gifts you've been given. Look at the spouse that you've chosen and reach down deep and remember why you married them in the first place. Feel how fortunate you are when you crawl out of bed in the morning as you get ready for your day. (Because some of us are literally crawling out of bed.) Just remember that you have a heavenly Father that loves you more than anything. He's just waiting for you to see Him, too.
Enjoy!!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Everyday Changes
My thoughts are a mess this morning. The weather is changing - it is a brisk morning and with the leaves falling, Autumn is definitely right around the corner and that makes me sad. Although I'd like to blame the change of seasons for causing this mess in my head - I can't put a seem to wrap my head around any one thought today and I know it's because so many things changed this weekend - not just the weather.
Ten years ago, I was not quite 30 years old...just a baby in the great scheme of life! Terrorists on our doorstep was impossible, even though 9/11 was just a few weeks away. Katrina, that monstrous storm, wasn't even close to being on the radar. My skin was still supple, my hair lustrous, my back - OK, my back was stiffer. We still played cards with Mike and Kelley, celebrated New Year's with Jeremy and Cynthia, and had Friday night high school football to look forward to.
But now, I find myself clinging to my children almost desperately because I am not ready for them to be "grown ups." I want Christian to move back home so I can take care of him. I don't want Severn to drive because that just means he's driving away from me and one day, he'll be like Christian, living in another city. I don't want Miranda to stop reading the Warrior series because that means she'll no longer have a little girl's heart.
Will there still be room for me? I want to be a mom - it's what I'm good at.
And my heart - it seems to have changed the most. It's not unlike Plato's Allegory of the Cave. There is so much that I've learned and experienced through the years that sometimes I wish I could go back to the cave and face the wall. But I can't. Everyday, I feel God working in my heart and I just want to cry for all the beauty I see. How can I go back to the chains and face the blank cave wall and believe that those shadows I see are my reality?
There's a great song that came out about 10 years ago (maybe 15, but who's counting?) called "Time Marches On." It's truly a COUNTRY song - and the content speaks more clearly to me today than it did 10 years ago.
Ten years ago, I was not quite 30 years old...just a baby in the great scheme of life! Terrorists on our doorstep was impossible, even though 9/11 was just a few weeks away. Katrina, that monstrous storm, wasn't even close to being on the radar. My skin was still supple, my hair lustrous, my back - OK, my back was stiffer. We still played cards with Mike and Kelley, celebrated New Year's with Jeremy and Cynthia, and had Friday night high school football to look forward to.
But now, I find myself clinging to my children almost desperately because I am not ready for them to be "grown ups." I want Christian to move back home so I can take care of him. I don't want Severn to drive because that just means he's driving away from me and one day, he'll be like Christian, living in another city. I don't want Miranda to stop reading the Warrior series because that means she'll no longer have a little girl's heart.
Will there still be room for me? I want to be a mom - it's what I'm good at.
And my heart - it seems to have changed the most. It's not unlike Plato's Allegory of the Cave. There is so much that I've learned and experienced through the years that sometimes I wish I could go back to the cave and face the wall. But I can't. Everyday, I feel God working in my heart and I just want to cry for all the beauty I see. How can I go back to the chains and face the blank cave wall and believe that those shadows I see are my reality?
There's a great song that came out about 10 years ago (maybe 15, but who's counting?) called "Time Marches On." It's truly a COUNTRY song - and the content speaks more clearly to me today than it did 10 years ago.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Gonna getcha on this one!
God was listening today...and it wasn't to me.
It started last night. Maybe I shouldn't have issued that challenge. (I'm going to listen because I want to feel the wind on my face, etc, etc) Sigh....
Let me rewind. When we lived in New York, we attended a Lutheran church called...Prince of Peace. Same as the church we attended in San Antonio, but different. New York posed all sorts of challenges, although we couldn't pinpoint them at the time. The biggest challenge being that none of us had lived away from San Antonio since the early 80's (cough, cough...Mike.) We all had to deal with our own trials - and if you haven't ever moved away from all you hold dear to your heart - don't judge...it hurts in ways you'll never know!
In the course of the 7 months at Prince of Peace; New York - they issued a survey to determine what each members' strengths were. I received mine right before we moved to Tennessee. Discernment, Evangelism, and Faith. Essentially- I'm the friend you want to have because I believe in God - I know His Son died for all of us, and I'm not afraid to share His Word, and guess what?!?!...I know what you are feeling because He sends me in when you need me the most!
Fast forward to today. I don't know if I made a difference, but I can tell you that I received all sorts of trials - not of my own doing. It just worked out that God needed me today as His liaison. I think it took the 2nd or 3rd go around that it finally connected...."Uh, duh...God, is this for me? Because I was having a great day before that call BEFORE my first cup of coffee! (Pause.) Oh, I need to listen for YOU? (Another pause.) OK...ten - four!"
It started last night. Maybe I shouldn't have issued that challenge. (I'm going to listen because I want to feel the wind on my face, etc, etc) Sigh....
Let me rewind. When we lived in New York, we attended a Lutheran church called...Prince of Peace. Same as the church we attended in San Antonio, but different. New York posed all sorts of challenges, although we couldn't pinpoint them at the time. The biggest challenge being that none of us had lived away from San Antonio since the early 80's (cough, cough...Mike.) We all had to deal with our own trials - and if you haven't ever moved away from all you hold dear to your heart - don't judge...it hurts in ways you'll never know!
In the course of the 7 months at Prince of Peace; New York - they issued a survey to determine what each members' strengths were. I received mine right before we moved to Tennessee. Discernment, Evangelism, and Faith. Essentially- I'm the friend you want to have because I believe in God - I know His Son died for all of us, and I'm not afraid to share His Word, and guess what?!?!...I know what you are feeling because He sends me in when you need me the most!
Fast forward to today. I don't know if I made a difference, but I can tell you that I received all sorts of trials - not of my own doing. It just worked out that God needed me today as His liaison. I think it took the 2nd or 3rd go around that it finally connected...."Uh, duh...God, is this for me? Because I was having a great day before that call BEFORE my first cup of coffee! (Pause.) Oh, I need to listen for YOU? (Another pause.) OK...ten - four!"
Monday, August 15, 2011
Why do I blog?
Can't say that I am the most consistent blogger in the state of TN - but I do know that when I blog I feel that I have lifted a great weight off my shoulders and continue on until the world is crushing me again.
I'm crushed....perhaps if I dump into said BLOG, life will turn right side up again!
After a whirlwind business trip through crispy Texas and up to the lush greenness of upstate New York, I left no time to just "BE." Between moving all of our belongings from Texas to Tennessee - (and freaking out about our Maverick running away/getting lost) then flying back to Texas to play in the jewelry (do I have the best hostesses or WHAT?!) then up to New York to make new friends and play in more jewelry....man oh man....would you think am I tired!? No, not in the least, but I think that's what should have come after all that!
I did almost fall asleep in church on Sunday - Pastor Kevin had a great sermon (God's all seeing eye), but it was my time to BE. We rush so quickly through our daily lives that we forget to just take a moment and enjoy the silence. Not that there is much silence in the Rollins' household...except maybe at 5:30 AM. I want to sit outside and marvel at the creation in front of me. I want to feel the cool breeze on my face as I take that first sip of hot coffee.
So here is my own personal challenge for tomorrow. I am going to do exactly that...so that when I come to blog again, I will be calmer and lighter of heart, so that as I blog, I can solve the world's problems, one blog at a time!
I'm crushed....perhaps if I dump into said BLOG, life will turn right side up again!
After a whirlwind business trip through crispy Texas and up to the lush greenness of upstate New York, I left no time to just "BE." Between moving all of our belongings from Texas to Tennessee - (and freaking out about our Maverick running away/getting lost) then flying back to Texas to play in the jewelry (do I have the best hostesses or WHAT?!) then up to New York to make new friends and play in more jewelry....man oh man....would you think am I tired!? No, not in the least, but I think that's what should have come after all that!
I did almost fall asleep in church on Sunday - Pastor Kevin had a great sermon (God's all seeing eye), but it was my time to BE. We rush so quickly through our daily lives that we forget to just take a moment and enjoy the silence. Not that there is much silence in the Rollins' household...except maybe at 5:30 AM. I want to sit outside and marvel at the creation in front of me. I want to feel the cool breeze on my face as I take that first sip of hot coffee.
So here is my own personal challenge for tomorrow. I am going to do exactly that...so that when I come to blog again, I will be calmer and lighter of heart, so that as I blog, I can solve the world's problems, one blog at a time!
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