Everyday Changes

My thoughts are a mess this morning.  The weather is changing - it is a brisk morning and with the leaves falling, Autumn is definitely right around the corner and that makes me sad.  Although I'd like to blame the change of seasons for causing this mess in my head - I can't put a seem to wrap my head around any one thought today and I know it's because so many things changed this weekend - not just the weather.


Ten years ago, I was not quite 30 years old...just a baby in the great scheme of life!  Terrorists on our doorstep was impossible, even though 9/11 was just a few weeks away.  Katrina, that monstrous storm, wasn't even close to being on the radar.  My skin was still supple, my hair lustrous, my back -  OK, my back was stiffer.  We still played cards with Mike and Kelley, celebrated New Year's with Jeremy and Cynthia, and had Friday night high school football to look forward to.

But now, I find myself clinging to my children almost desperately because I am not ready for them to be "grown ups."  I want Christian to move back home so I can take care of him.  I don't want Severn to drive because that just means he's driving away from me and one day, he'll be like Christian, living in another city.  I don't want Miranda to stop reading the Warrior series because that means she'll no longer have a little girl's heart. 

Will there still be room for me?  I want to be a mom - it's what I'm good at.

And my heart - it seems to have changed the most.  It's not unlike Plato's Allegory of the Cave.  There is so much that I've learned and experienced through the years that sometimes I wish I could go back to the cave and face the wall.  But I can't.  Everyday, I feel God working in my heart and I just want to cry for all the beauty I see.  How can I go back to the chains and face the blank cave wall and believe that those shadows I see are my reality?

There's a great song that came out about 10 years ago (maybe 15, but who's counting?) called "Time Marches On." It's truly a COUNTRY song - and the content speaks more clearly to me today than it did 10 years ago.